The Flame Within
by wildcat7898
Summary: After having been involved with one another for six months, Spock and Uhura must deal with some changes in their lives. It takes place after "You Would Even Say She Glows."
1. Chapter 1

Title: The Flame Within

Author: Wildcat

Series: TOS

Rating: MA

Codes: S/U

Summary: After having been involved with one another for six months, Spock and Uhura must deal with some changes in their lives.

Disclaimer: Paramount owns Kirk, Spock, McCoy, Uhura, and company. I have just borrowed them for a while and will not profit from any of this.

This is part of my Spock/Uhura timeline. It takes place after You Could Even Say She Glows, although it was originally written to follow Almost a Kiss.

Thanks to Jungle Kitty for helping me figure out where Almost a Kiss ended and this story began.

This story won 3rd place for "Best S/U Story" in the 1998 Golden O Awards.

Feedback is desired.

The Flame Within, chapter 1

Intentionally delaying the moment she'd been anticipating since she had stepped into her quarters twenty minutes ago, Uhura stood by her shower door and watched the steam billow against its clear surface. This was going to be wonderful. She was going to open that door, step into her shower, and those hot, pulsating jets were going to wash away her fatigue and leave her feeling as refreshed as if she'd just returned from a relaxing day on Caldus Prime. The stress of the last thirty-six hours would simply gurgle down the drain, and she'd be sexy and revitalized and ready to stay up all night when she was done.

_Yeah, sure, Nyota. And maybe you can run the Boston marathon while you're at it._

She slid the door open and stepped in. Closing her eyes, she let the water pound on her aching shoulders and neck. These last two days had been hell, but thank heavens they had located the last survivors of the earthquake and relocated them to the new city already taking shape on the main continent of Chaelia IV. The ruling council had been so grateful to the Federation for the relief effort and the promise of aid in preventing such future disasters that maybe they'd finally be willing to consider Federation membership_. Ah, all in a day's work. Or two._

When Spock had beamed back up from the ruins, dirty and scraped but able to report that the evacuation of the city was complete, she'd wanted to jump up and hug him. Instead, she'd simply nodded as he strode past her and took his place at the science station. They'd have time to celebrate tonight. That is, if she managed to stay awake past the main course of the meal she had planned.

She opened her eyes and straightened her back with resolve. She'd been looking forward to this for days, damn it, and she was determined to enjoy the evening. She would stay awake! She knew that Spock was just indulging her sentimental desire to observe the six-month anniversary of that night when they'd first discovered one another on Dantria, but she also knew that he'd appreciate the occasion before the night was over. She grinned, imagining herself as a villainness in one of those bad holovids that Hikaru liked to watch. _Oh, I have my ways, Spock. You will enjoy yourself tonight. Or else._

As she reset the jets so that her skin wouldn't be raw by the time she was through, she thought back over the last six months. Who would have thought that she and Spock would have made this relationship work as well as they had? After a few initial bumps, it had been smooth going all the way and had exceeded her wildest expectations. That was saying a lot, too, considering that during the three months between the time she'd left Dantria and the time he'd rejoined the Enterprise, she'd managed to come up with some pretty wild expectations indeed. They'd fallen into a comfortable routine with one another in their secret life together, and although he was far from actually residing in her quarters, he certainly spent a lot of time here. Some nights they ate together, some nights they worked together, and some nights they had incredible sex, but generally they just enjoyed one another's company.

She smiled, thinking about the few nights early on when they'd tried to stay in his quarters. She'd known at the time that he wasn't entirely comfortable with the idea, but she'd really wanted to do it. Spock's science staff was so used to contacting him at any time of the day or night, though, that she and he had been interrupted three times before she'd finally just gotten up and reset his computer to accept incoming messages without notification. Then, when they'd tried to sleep in his small bunk, they'd ended up elbowing each other all night. She sighed, figuring that one of the perils of longevity in a relationship was that you reached the point where togetherness in a small bed didn't seem so much cozy as just a nuisance. Three nights were enough, and they'd started staying in her quarters from then on. She was so glad that she'd requisitioned her large bed way back when the Enterprise was refurbished. Scotty'd teased her mercilessly when he saw it, so much in fact that she had started to wonder what was going on with him, but eventually he'd let the matter drop and she'd been grateful for the bed ever since.

She rinsed the last bit of soap away and turned off the water, relaxed and actually more refreshed than she'd expected. When she stuck her arm out of the shower to reach for a towel, though, she nearly shrieked to find it placed into her hand. Her heart pounding, she peered around the steam-fogged door to see Spock standing there, an eyebrow raised and an amused expression on his face.

"Spock! I was hoping that I'd find a way to wake myself up, but not by having my wits scared out of me. You're early!"

"I am not. You have been in the shower for a very long time."

She stepped out and began to dry her legs. "And how long have you been there?"

"Long enough."

Working her way up her body with the towel, she looked pointedly at his groin. "Long enough for what?"

"Long enough to have been disappointed when the door became so steamed that I could no longer see you clearly."

She dropped the towel on the floor and moved closer to him. "When I reset my door to recognize you, I never thought that you'd gain entrance for such nefarious purposes as voyeurism."

He pulled her into his arms. Kissing her neck, he said, "Perhaps you should reset it so that I cannot enter unannounced."

"Mmmmm. If you're not nice to me, I might just do that."

She laughed when he lifted her onto the edge of her sink. The surface was cold against her bare bottom. "Spock! What are you doing?"

"If you are 'nice' to me, you will find out."

"Oh, I'd say I'm going to find out, even if I'm naughty. Maybe especially if I'm naughty."

He was removing his uniform. "That is most likely a true statement."

Leaning back on her hands, she watched him undress and wondered what he had in mind. She could feel herself becoming wet with arousal, and the sensation of her hot pussy against the cold, hard counter was exciting.

Soon he stood naked before her. Stepping between her knees, he grasped her thighs and slid her closer to him. He was so tall that she wondered how he was going to manage this, but before she could say anything he had covered her lips with his own and was exploring her mouth with his tongue. Oh, he tasted good. She was so focused on the kiss that she gasped with shock when she felt his finger slip into the wetness between her legs.

He did not let her break the kiss. It was hard, so hard, though, for her to keep her head upright and her lips on his, especially when she felt his thumb on her clit. Fumbling between them, she found his erection and grasped it, and she was satisfied to perceive that she was causing him just as much difficulty in continuing the kiss as he'd caused her a moment ago.

She felt the tension mount deep in her belly as she began to stroke him in rhythm with the movement of his finger. Soon she felt a second finger enter her, and she tightened her grip on him in response. Their lips were still pressed together, but they were both gasping so much that it was nearly impossible to kiss. Suddenly, the tension burst from within her, and she cried out against his mouth and lost her grip on him. He shifted his lips to her shoulder as she writhed against his hand, pushing herself against him until the feeling had subsided.

When she opened her eyes, she saw her wet towel on the floor. "Roll up that towel and stuff it under me."

Obviously understanding her intent, he hastily did as he was told.

"Are you comfortable?" His voice was thick with arousal.

"Yes, I'll be fine as long as I don't fall off."

"I will not let you."

As she guided him into her, she watched his face, still as fascinated to see him lose himself in pleasure as she had been on that very first night. She smiled when he opened his eyes and caught her staring at him.

"You don't need to hold me with both hands, Spock. I'll hang on."

"Are you certain?"

"Oh, yes."

He quickly moved his right hand from her hip to her face, and she felt him explode into her mind. She almost came again from the intensity but stopped herself, wanting to savor the feeling of his cock sliding in and out of her. It was incredible, still, to know both his hardness within her and her own softness around him, and to understand that his sensations were doubled as well. She closed her eyes and hung on tight as he pumped harder and harder, oh, he was getting closer and closer, hold on, hold on... When he lost his rhythm, she was the one who cried out.

Eventually, his fingers grew limp against her face, and he rested his forehead against the top of her head.

"Spock." Her eyes were still closed.

"Mmph."

"Do you need to sit down?"

"Yes."

She pushed him gently away from her, and she had to smile when he simply flopped down on the floor near her dangling feet and rested his arms across his knees. He looked up.

"I believe that the appropriate expression is 'happy anniversary.'"

Delighted, she said, "Happy anniversary, Spock. You know, I had a meal planned for us and everything. Are you hungry?"

"Yes, actually, I am."

She slithered off the counter and sat beside him on the floor. "We'll go eat in a few minutes. I have to tell you, though, that you upset my plans for the evening. This was supposed to happen after the meal."

"You will be asleep after the meal."

She chuckled and stood. "You're probably right about that. C'mon, let's get dressed."

...

Kirk meandered down the hallway, not quite ready for sleep. The last two days had been exhausting, but he was still so pumped from the excitement of having rescued that last group of survivors that he couldn't unwind. He'd just left sickbay, having helped McCoy fill out his report, but when he asked McCoy to have a glass of brandy with him, his friend had told him to go away. Bones had probably been right in telling him to get some rest, but he wasn't quite ready yet. Spock would still be awake. Maybe he'd want to play a nice, relaxing game of chess.

Stopping by his first officer's quarters, Kirk signaled his presence and waited for Spock to open the door. Hmmm... no response. He pressed it again. Finally becoming impatient, he walked across the hall and slapped his hand on the wall next to the intercom.

"Computer. Location of Commander Spock."

"Commander Spock has invoked privacy. Is this an emergency?"

Kirk was dumbfounded. Spock? Invoking privacy? He, himself, had asked the computer to safeguard his location on many occasions, but Spock? Asking for privacy almost always meant only one thing. Could it be?

The inflectionless voice of the computer interrupted his thoughts. "Please state the nature of the emergency."

"Uh, no emergency. Cancel request."

"Request canceled."

Well. Damn. Kirk grinned. Come to think of it, he'd seen less and less of Spock since the Vulcan had come back on board three months ago. He hadn't thought anything of it, having become accustomed to not having Spock around at all, but he realized now that his friend had become very scarce in the evenings.

He headed toward his quarters, consumed with curiosity. Who could it be?

...

Just as Spock had predicted, Uhura had fallen asleep as soon as they finished dinner. He was rather tired himself from the events of the past two days, so he had known that she could not possibly go without sleep much longer.

Carefully lifting her feet so that he did not wake her, he shifted his position on the sofa to allow him to support his head on his hand while still preserving his ability to study her peaceful countenance. Ah, much better. He placed her feet back in his lap and rested his other hand on her ankle.

Although he had teased her about her wish to over-romanticize the fact that today marked six months since they had entered into a physical relationship, in reality the occasion was quite meaningful to him as well. He had never found himself in a situation like this before. Of course, he had been bonded to T'Pring for many years, but even during their ill-fated pairing he had never felt as if he knew her well, or even that he cared to know her well. In addition, his attitude toward the few women-very few, admittedly-with whom he had pursued a relationship between the termination of his bond and now had been nothing like this. Fascinating.

Perhaps he would share the flame of the t'hy'la'ke with her tomorrow.

End chapter 1


	2. Chapter 2

The Flame Within, chapter 2

The next morning, Kirk hadn't been able to resist grinning at Spock when Spock had come onto the bridge to begin his shift. Spock had lifted a good-natured eyebrow at him, but Kirk could tell that he hadn't considered the exuberant greeting to be anything out of the ordinary. His friend had simply stood back for a moment to allow Uhura to precede him out of the lift, and walked over to his station as he did every day. Kirk had felt a little foolish, really, for expecting Spock's behavior to be any different, but he couldn't help it.

As the day wore on and they became increasingly busy, he pushed the mystery of Spock's unknown companion into the back of his mind. Doctors and supplies had begun to arrive from all over the sector, and the coordination of the relief effort was quickly growing into a monumental task. Eight medical ships and twelve supply ships were currently in orbit with them, and Kirk rubbed his forehead as he listened to Uhura try to organize arrival and departure times for all of the shuttles that were loaded and ready to go.

"Captain of Felicity, please respond. Felicity, come in please." She pulled out her earpiece and scowled. "Who ever thought to put a man like that in command of a ship named Felicity?"

Kirk chuckled. "Is he still being difficult?"

"Difficult is putting it mildly. He's actually started calling the captains of the Singlin and the Mariah impolite names. Claims that he was here first, so he should unload first and be allowed to leave."

Sliding her receiver back into her ear, she tried again, "Captain of Felicity, please respond." She ran her fingers across her board. "Come in Mariah, Enterprise here. Oh good, thank heavens you answered. What's going on? Mariah? You're breaking up. Please boost."

She frowned and fiddled with her board, and Kirk met Spock's eyes for an instant before Spock turned back to his own board to assist.

"Mariah, Mariah, please boost."

"Admiral." Kirk looked back at Spock. "The Felicity is jamming the signal."

"Confirmed," said Uhura. "That son of a... Er, sorry, sir, but he's trying to take charge of this himself. At this rate, I'm inclined to let him."

"And I wouldn't blame you, but-"

"Commander, feedback from their signal," said Spock.

Uhura yanked the receiver out of her ear a split second before a high, deafening whine emanated from her board. "That idiot! Thank you, Spock. I happen to like that eardrum." She tapped a few keys. "He burned out at least thirty of my relays, too. Switching over to backups. No good. Admiral? I need to slave my board to Jorgenson's until I can straighten this out."

"Go ahead."

Nodding, she keyed a few more commands before she slid out of her seat and opened the panel beneath her station. Soon, all he could see of her were her legs. Kirk turned toward Jorgenson. "Can you make any sense of it?"

"Uh, Captain of Mariah just told Captain of Felicity to go to someplace not good. Captain of Singlin affirms."

"Commander, we may have all-out war on our hands soon if you can't get that fixed," said Kirk.

"I'm working as fast as I can, sir. Ow! Ouch!"

Kirk saw sparks fly out from where she was working, but before he could react, Spock was on his feet and calmly moving in her direction.

"Commander, are you injured?" Spock peered under her board.

Her voice was muffled but strong. "No, I'm fine, but five more relays just blew. He really did a number on us."

Spock glanced at Kirk in relief before turning back to Uhura. "Are you in need of my assistance?"

"I'd love some help. These are blowing faster than I can fix them."

As she scooted over to make room, Spock crawled under and stretched out on his back next to her. Leaning over in his chair so that he could see what they were doing, Kirk watched as they efficiently cross-patched and rerouted her board. Although they hardly spoke more than a few terse words here and there, they worked perfectly in sync. He frowned, recalling his puzzle of last night.

Could it be? Nah, they were both just good at their jobs, and they'd worked together like this countless times before. This was going to get out of hand if he suspected Spock of a liaison every time he interacted with one of his fellow officers. Still, that glance, there, when they finished...

"Admiral," said Spock, "the commander is ready to receive communications again."

He returned to his station while Uhura picked up her receiver and positioned it in her ear.

"Jorgenson, transfer communications back to Commander Uhura," said Kirk.

"Done, sir."

Uhura's clear voice filled the bridge. "Captain of Felicity, come in. Come in, Felicity. You are in clear violation of general order number C-101 slash A."

Kirk sighed and looked back at Spock. This was going to be a long day.

...

"Hello, Spock and Uhura. I am recording this message to both of you because I know that you always listen to my messages together."

Uhura smiled at Spock. "Perceptive little thing, isn't she?"

"Indeed."

Saavik continued. "It is inefficient to record separate messages for both of you, so from now on I am going to combine them into one."

"And we will receive half as many," said Spock.

"We can't get too many less, or they'll stop altogether."

As if she had heard Uhura's comment, Saavik said, "I am sorry that I let so much time elapse since my last message, but I have been very busy. Yesterday was Elizabeth's birthday, and it was very difficult to catch her present. She liked it very much, though, so it was worth the effort. Margaret baked a cake and they taught me how to sing a song called 'Happy Birthday.' I thought that perhaps they had forgotten the words because they sang the same line over and over with very little alteration, but they assured me that it was supposed to be like that. Margaret said she considers me one of their family, since I am living with them, so they will have a party for me on my birthday, too! I did not tell them that I do not know my real birthday. I like the date we picked for my school records so I will let them have a party for me then.

"We finally finished building the treehouse with the two stupid boys. As soon as it was done, they said that they wanted to do a club. Evidently doing a club is a very special thing that can only be done a special way, because they said that stupid girls could not do it. I explained things to them very carefully, though, and they were impressed by my logic, because they said that Elizabeth, Rosa, and I could do their club.

"It is growing cold here, but Margaret said that it will not snow. I told her that I was very sorry to hear that, because snow is fascinating. When I asked her if she had ever played in snow, she said that I should ask you about it sometime, Spock."

At Uhura's questioning smile, Spock murmured, "Margaret introduced me to snow by placing a large quantity of it down the back of my shirt when we were young children."

Saavik hesitated. "Last week in school we studied the Romulan war with the Federation. Mr. Thras said that the Romulans are very cruel, and that they hurt innocent people just because they lived near the neutral zone. He said that they killed children! And grandfathers! And mothers with babies inside them! I did not tell anyone about my parents, no one at all, but on the playground the mean girl said that maybe I was a dirty Romulan." Saavik's eyes grew big with the remembered pain, and Spock noticed that Uhura had drawn closer to him.

"She would not let me do playing with the other children, but Rosa and Elizabeth said that we did not need any of them, and we went to do playing by ourselves. I was very good, Spock." She drew herself up. "You would have been proud of me. I did not say anything to her because her meanness did not deserve the dignity of an answer."

Spock nodded. "Very good, Saavikam."

"And do you know what happened next? All the other children came to do playing with us, and the mean girl was left all by herself. The children said that they do not think I am a dirty Romulan, and I let them think that. Was that lying, Spock? Did I do it wrong?" She paused, and Spock could see her struggle for control. "Was it true about the Romulans? Did they really do all of that? Am I a mean person inside? Is that why I get so angry sometimes?"

She looked down at her lap and spoke very quietly. "I must go now. I will send you another message soon. Saavik out."

Spock stared at the blank screen. He was very aware of Uhura next to him, but he could not bring himself to face her. Finally, he felt a light touch on his arm, and he turned his head.

"Oh, Spock," she said sadly. "Didn't you ever tell her anything about the Romulans?"

"No, I did not. I had hoped to shield her. I see now that it was an error, but at the time I thought it best."

"I know. You would never, ever intentionally hurt anyone, and especially not Saavik. What will you do now?"

"I do not know. It is obvious from her comment about the insult not being worthy of a response that she has already spoken of this to Margaret. Margaret is not aware of Saavik's heritage, however, so I am the only person who can address that."

Uhura shook his arm so that he would look at her again. "I know that you can explain this to her in a way that will make her understand she's not a bad person just because of who her parents were."

"I will record a response. Perhaps that will cover it sufficiently for now, and we can discuss it further when I see her next."

"What will you tell her?"

"I do not know."

"At least the problem with the bully on the playground seems to have been resolved. You know, at her age, that could have turned into the bigger problem." She scowled. "Children can be so cruel."

Spock nodded, remembering his own childhood. While it was very true that the Vulcan children taunted him for being emotional and unintelligent because he was half-human, that was minor compared to Saavik's being told that Romulans were cruel murderers.

"Saavik will be fine." She smiled, obviously trying to lighten the mood. "Now, why don't we have a cup of tea before you show me whatever it was you wanted to show me? I'll even fix it. Vulcan style."

Amused despite his concern for Saavik, he said, "Very well. I will observe."

She walked over to the table by his wall. Handling his ritual goblet as if she knew exactly what she was doing, she filled it with hot water and stirred the dried che'ya leaves into it. After they had dissolved, she took a pinch of herbs between her fingers and crumbled them on top, inhaled the aroma, then added a few more.

When it was done, she lifted the goblet in both hands and carried it over until they faced one another. She held it out to him and he took a long drink. When he tasted it, he noticed that she had put too many herbs in it, but he was careful not to let it show in his expression. That was a minor mistake; she would learn in time. He handed it back to her and watched while she drank.

"You have done very well."

"Thank you. I learned from a master."

"Are you prepared to learn something else now?"

"Yes."

"Computer, lights down, Vulcan normal."

His quarters were abruptly lit with a comfortable reddish glow. He had already moved the firepot to its small platform and arranged a mat on either side of it, so he returned the goblet to its place and led her over to the mats.

"Kneel here."

She complied, and he knelt across from her.

Taking the tone of the teacher, he explained, "The flame that burns within this object is the t'hy. It symbolizes the flame that burns here," he touched his forehead, "and here," he touched his side, over his heart, "in each of us. On another level, it also symbolizes the flame that burns between two people when they find that they are drawn to share themselves with one another. Sometimes these two people are brother or sister; sometimes they are friends. Sometimes they are lovers. Between lovers, the flame is called the t'hy'la'ke."

"Have you ever shared the flame with Admiral Kirk?"

"Yes. I have. As a friend and as a brother."

Her eyes were big as she gazed at him, and the firepot threw shadows up onto her face. "Did you share this with T'Pring?"

"Never," he said sternly. "She and I may have been bonded, but we were never friends, nor were we lovers."

"But me?"

He softened. "You are my friend, and you are my lover, Nyota. Only you. The experience we are to have tonight is the sharing between lovers, the step toward oneness that is so crucial to a Vulcan. It is one that I have had with no other." Thinking of some of the rumors that had reached him at various times in the past, he added, "Contrary to what some would have you believe, I have not even shared this with Admiral Kirk."

She smiled, obviously understanding; he knew that she had heard the rumors, too. "So what do we do?"

"Look into the flame. Watch it flicker and dance. Search for the flame within your head and within your heart."

She frowned in concentration but finally shook her head.

"Empty your mind, Nyota. Forget about me, the room, the ship, everything. All that exists is the flame. This will not be easy. I have had a lifetime of training, and locating the flame within still does not always happen quickly for me. However, finding one's individual flame must happen before one can even hope to share it with another. If you cannot find it alone, I will assist you, so do not become anxious. You will find it."

He allowed her to stare into the flame for a very long time. Her eyes began to water from the effort, and finally he could tell that she was becoming frustrated with the lack of results. Careful not to drape his robes into the flame, he leaned across the firepot and touched her on the forehead with his fingertips.

The result was instantaneous. She gasped but did not look away from the firepot.

"Yes," she whispered. "There it is. The flame within."

He tried to control the pounding of his heart as he anticipated what might happen next. So clear in his memory was that awful, mysterious night when he was seven years old and his father had sat next to him on the edge of his bed and explained it all, from the bonding that was to take place on the morrow to the consummation of that bonding, the pleasures of the flesh and the mind that awaited him someday, the trials he could not fail. He had lain awake all night that night, his tender young mind shaken and his innocence lost, and contemplated what was to happen to him. The flame of the t'hy'la'ke had seemed the most terrifying of it all. Now, though, he yearned for it with all of his being.

"T'hy'la'ke," he intoned. "The flame within. Do not look away."

Nodding, she stared into the flame, and he shifted his fingers to her cheek and temple. As soon as he made contact, she looked up at him for a moment, then closed her eyes. He saw this as if he were watching her, but his eyes were closed, too. He could feel the flame. It was burning; it was growing. He took a shaky breath, for it danced along his nerve endings, it leapt between them, it threatened to consume them.

_Trust me._

The answer came back, as clear as if spoken: _I do_.

His hand trembled with the effort it took to keep it on her face. The flames were licking at the two of them now, blistering them, peeling their flesh away, but still he kept his hand in place. She was shaking, but she did not flinch. The pain was awful, all-encompassing, but he could do nothing to control it.

Suddenly, as if the flames had expanded to encompass the universe, the two of them were surrounded in a burst of white-hot sensation and it was gone.

He leaned his head back and panted, nearly overcome with exhaustion. His hand was still in place. When he finally opened his eyes, he almost expected to find a charred ruin, but instead he only saw his room, with the firepot burning calmly between them and the goblet still on the table exactly where he had left it.

She did not move. He watched her with concern, but he was patient and allowed her to come around on her own. When her eyes eventually opened, she stammered, "Oh my. That was intense."

"The flame of the t'hy'la'ke. It was intense for me, as well."

She glanced delicately at his lap. "Did you...?"

"I did not, although I would not have been surprised to discover that I had."

"I can't say that I'd want to repeat that every day, but... wow."

"Wow, indeed."

She scooted around the firepot until she was sitting next to him, and together they stared at the flame until long into the night.

End chapter 2


	3. Chapter 3

The Flame Within, chapter 3

Pulling up a chair, Kirk said, "How does it feel to be a Lieutenant Commander, Mr. Chekov?"

"It feels very good, Admiral, but I'm not too sure how I feel about the new assignment."

Sulu punched Chekov on the shoulder. "Pavel, yesterday you couldn't wait to begin!"

"Yes, I know, but today I am remembering the good times we've had, and it has made me a little sad. We have all been together a long time, and it is hard to leave."

McCoy glanced toward the door. "Speaking of all of us, it looks like the group is complete now."

Looking over his shoulder, Kirk saw Spock and Uhura approaching. Although they were only walking together, and he knew that they could have met in the lift or the corridor or anywhere, he was reminded of his suspicions a few days ago. He watched as Uhura leaned over to give Chekov a kiss on the cheek while Spock arranged two more chairs by the table.

"Oh, Pavel, I'm going to miss you!" Uhura gave him another squeeze before settling herself in the seat next to Spock.

Sulu, on her other side, put a hand on her shoulder. "Pavel was just telling us that he's having second thoughts."

"That is not true, Hikaru. It is just that I hate to leave everyone."

"Mr. Chekov," said Spock, "you must remember that this is a goal toward which you have worked for many years, and we all congratulate you on reaching it. We agree, though, that you have been an undeniable asset to this ship. We will find you difficult to replace."

Uhura patted Chekov on the arm. "In other words, we're happy for you but we'll miss you."

When she straightened, she met Spock's eyes and smiled. It was just a quick look, and Kirk would have missed it if he hadn't been watching for it, but it spoke volumes. Suddenly, he knew that he was right about the two of them. Spock and Uhura! How long had this been going on?

His attention was drawn back to the conversation when Scotty said something that made everyone laugh. It must have been slightly off-color, because Uhura covered her face in mock embarrassment. When she dropped her hands, Kirk couldn't help but stare at her beautiful features. She was radiant, and surprise of surprises, he saw that Spock was watching her, too, with an expression of... what? Pride? Affection? He grinned, recognizing that look. Damn, Spock had it bad. And no one could blame him. There was a time when _he'd_ wished that he wasn't her commanding officer.

That last thought sobered him somewhat. Could it be that she and Spock had really ignored the fraternization guidelines? While HQ tended to turn a blind eye to relationships between officers who were not in the direct line of command, this was pushing it a bit. True, Kirk had been captain and couldn't even entertain the idea, but Spock was first officer and Uhura was fifth in the line of command.

Sighing, he noticed that the two of them were very subtly leaning toward one another. Well, there wasn't a rule explicitly forbidding a relationship of this sort, so they must know what they were doing. They were both level-headed officers, and he knew of instances where it had worked out all right for other people. If they didn't think it was something to worry about, he shouldn't worry about it, either. And come to think of it, there had always seemed to be a little something special between them, even back when he was certain that they had only been friends.

"Hey, Jim. You want some more?"

Kirk looked over to see McCoy holding a bottle over his empty glass.

"Sure, Bones, fill me up." He laughed and held his drink over the middle of the table. "Here's to bright futures! May we all find what we want."

Everyone raised their glasses to a chorus of agreement. He couldn't resist glancing at Spock, who nodded at Kirk before raising his glass of water. For an instant, Kirk thought that something almost passed between the two of them, but Spock looked away and the moment was gone.

When the party finally broke up several hours later, Kirk watched Spock and Uhura casually walk away together, and he decided that he was happy for them. Uhura was a good woman, and Spock could certainly use some enjoyment in his life.

But... Spock and Uhura. Who would ever have thought it?

...

As they undressed for bed, Uhura was very quiet. It was late, and she had indicated that she was too tired for anything more than sleep, but she had asked him to stay with her for a while and he had agreed. They had just come from his quarters. She was eager to learn the Vulcan disciplines, but because she had been unable to find her t'hy by herself three nights ago, he had started her on something more basic tonight. Perhaps her slow progress was the reason for her mood. He watched her as he placed his clothing neatly on her bedside chair, but he didn't say anything until they climbed under the covers and she put her head on his shoulder.

"Nyota, you are rather pensive. Is something troubling you? If it is because you did not search for your flame tonight, do not let that concern you. You will be ready to try again soon."

"It's not that, although that doesn't help. I just keep thinking about the future, Spock. I've served with Chekov for nearly ten years, but tomorrow he's going off on a wonderful new adventure and someone else will be in his place. We've all been lucky to stay together as long as we have, but his leaving seems to herald some sort of change. I just can't help but wonder who will be next."

"Logically, the person with the most seniority will be next. However, that would be myself, and I have made it very clear that I have no desire to command. Mr. Scott received a promotion recently. Therefore, the next person in line would be Mr. Sulu, and he is indeed quite deserving. Of course, Mr. Chekov had less seniority than any of us so it is impossible to predict with any degree of certainty."

"Don't you find this the least bit disturbing?"

"It would be illogical to assume that nothing will ever change, and a waste of energy to be distressed by change or to anticipate it with dread."

She pushed herself onto her elbows. "But what if it were me? Wouldn't that upset you?"

"If it were you, I would congratulate you on earning the opportunity for advancement."

"And you wouldn't be sorry to see me leave?"

"Of course I do not wish for you to leave, but you are a career officer, and I would expect you to undertake what you must to advance your career. You would do no one a favor were you to do otherwise."

She studied him for a moment before putting her head back on his shoulder. "You're right."

"Yes."

Snorting at his response, she said, "I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to pick a fight. I guess I'm just a little bit melancholy."

"I know."

She rubbed her hand across his chest. "I could stay like this forever just to listen to your voice. Say something else."

"What do you want me to say?"

"Oh, anything."

"Very well. 'Half a league, half a league, half a league onward, all in the valley of death rode the-'"

She sat up again, laughing. "'The Charge of the Light Brigade'? For heavens sake, Spock! What made you come up with that?"

"It simply came into my mind. You told me that it could be anything."

She settled back down against him. "How about something Vulcan?"

Considering for a moment, he said, "Kil sha'in, t'ha a'kom ai t'lin res, a sha'in ch'a'la k'hyl."

"Mmmm. That's better. What was it?"

"The first sentence of the Gettysburg Address."

"What? Really?"

"No, it was not."

"Oh, you. What was it? Truthfully?"

"Truthfully, it translates as 'This night, of the stars and their fires, is the night of our oneness.' Admittedly, that is a rather rough translation, for there is no Standard equivalent for k'hyl, but it is close."

"That sounds like love poetry."

"I suppose that it is the closest Vulcan equivalent, unless one goes back to pre-Reform times."

She yawned. "Tell me another one."

"A t'lin ch'er, t'lina a ch'e, t'lina a ch'a, t'lina a ch'a'la kri'ena ai ch'a'la kri'shinom."

"What does that mean?" she asked sluggishly.

"The fire within me," he whispered, "it burns for you, for us, for all our yesterdays and all our tomorrows."

She had fallen asleep. He did not know if she had heard him.

End chapter 3


	4. Chapter 4

The Flame Within, chapter 4

Uhura fidgeted in her quarters while she waited for Spock. It had been over two weeks since Chekov had left, and she'd decided earlier today to give him a call and see how he was doing. He'd been busy, so instead of talking to him she'd ended up talking to Janice Rand for a long time. What she'd learned had been very disturbing. She felt as if she and Spock had been very close to revealing their relationship to everyone, becoming more and more open about being together when outside their quarters, but this would change everything.

She had two cups of tea ready when he walked through the door.

"What is it, Nyota? You have never contacted me in the science labs before, and I could tell that you were rather perturbed."

He followed her to the sofa, and they both sat down.

"I called the Reliant today. I'd planned on talking to Pavel, but he wasn't available so I ended up talking to Janice Rand."

"She was recently promoted to communications officer, was she not?"

"That's right. Anyway, you won't believe what she told me. It's not general knowledge, and she thinks that Starfleet Command is going to try to keep the details quiet, but they had a horrible incident there four days ago. They were undergoing some routine maintenance when coolant began to leak. Instead of sealing the engineering deck and jettisoning the atmosphere, the first officer panicked and left the doors open in an attempt to reach the chief engineer. In the end, an ensign who just happened to be in the hallway outside engineering died, and another crewman needed an emergency lung transplant. The chief engineer and his crew were fine because they'd put on protective gear just as you would expect, but the first officer is in deep shit."

"Where was Captain Terrell?"

"He wasn't on duty, and it happened so fast that he couldn't get there quickly enough to prevent the death. As it was, more people probably would have died if he hadn't managed to countermand the first officer's orders."

"Did you know the person who died?"

"No, it was a woman who'd just joined them a few months ago, Ensign Butler or something like that." She hesitated before rushing on. "The whole point of this story is that the first officer and the chief engineer were lovers. No one knew about it, but when the first officer was questioned afterward, he broke down and admitted everything. Command is furious that he and the engineer ignored the fraternization guidelines. The engineer has been assigned to another ship, the first officer's career is over, and HQ is getting ready to issue a new set of rules forbidding intimate relationships between officers in the command structure of the ship. They're really going to come down hard on anyone in violation."

She gave him a moment to digest this. His brows together, he gazed at his steepled hands. "Do you propose that we cease our relationship?"

"No! I don't think so. Oh, Spock, I don't know what we should do. We've both always done our best to be model officers. Fraternization! The policy was so vague that I never even gave it a second thought. Did you?"

"Yes, actually I did, but it was early in our relationship, and I must confess that I was more concerned about accepting you into my life than about any external restriction such as a Starfleet recommendation. Perhaps I should not have dismissed it so easily."

Frowning, she said, "And just what would you have changed?"

"Nothing."

"My point exactly. So don't blame yourself. That's in the past, anyway. What we need to decide is what to do now and in the future."

She watched him as he considered their problem. "I find it difficult to accept that Command would require officers who are already in relationships to terminate those relationships because of a change in rules. In addition, it would adversely impact efficiency if every affected officer were to suddenly request a transfer, for I have no doubt that relationships such as ours are more common than Command would care to acknowledge. Perhaps it would be best for us to simply remain cautious and allow some time to pass in hope that the restrictions will ease."

She grinned. "Why, Mr. Spock, I never thought I'd see the day, but are you actually telling me that you're going to ignore Starfleet rules and regulations?"

"While I am reluctant to dissuade you of your high opinion of me, it would not be the first time I have done so."

She laughed, but as they gazed at one another, she saw the trace of humor vanish from his expression.

"Nyota, do not think that I make this suggestion lightly. It is quite possible that Command will not ease the restrictions, and we could both find ourselves in serious trouble. While I am willing to take the risk myself, I am very uneasy with the idea of jeopardizing you."

"I'm willing to chance it if you are."

"Are we absolutely certain about this?"

"Do you want to break up?"

"No."

"Do you want one of us to transfer?"

"No."

"Then that settles it, because I don't want either of those, either. So I guess you're stuck with me."

"And it would appear that you are 'stuck' with me, as well."

Smiling, she placed her hand lightly on his knee. "You know, I'll bet this does blow over if we just wait a while. We've managed to hide our relationship this long. It won't be hard to do it some more. Besides, I know that neither of us would ever make the kind of mistake that the first officer of the Reliant made. We should be all right."

"I agree."

Reassured, she sipped her tea. It was too bad that they'd have to keep their secret a while longer, but they'd be just fine.

...

From behind his desk, Kirk handed the padd over to Spock, who took a step back as he read it and sat heavily in one of Kirk's chairs.

When he finished, he didn't look up. "So. Here it is. Nyota told me that this was coming."

"Really?"

"She heard of the incident that prompted it through the 'grapevine.'" He was quiet for a moment before finally meeting Kirk's eyes. "I take it that you know about the two of us."

"Yes."

Spock nodded but did not comment, so Kirk continued. "I'm sorry to bring it up. I mean, I don't want to pry, but I couldn't remain quiet after I read these new orders. I wanted to call you in here to see them before anyone else did."

His face set in stone, Spock said, "You are certainly within your rights as my commanding officer to discuss this with me."

Kirk walked around the desk and sat in the chair next to Spock. "I'm not bringing this up as your CO, but as your friend. You have a problem, and I thought you might need my help."

"Then this is not an official counseling session?"

"Of course not! Damnation, Spock."

Spock raised an eyebrow, clearly amused. "I merely wished to establish the parameters of this conversation." He became serious again. "Jim, this is indeed a problem, but there is not an acceptable solution. I do not intend to end my relationship with her."

"I don't even want to suggest this, but it's so obvious that I have to. What about a transfer for one of you?"

"Again, unacceptable."

"So. What do you intend to do about it?"

"Nothing."

"You thought that you'd just ignore the new orders?"

"Yes."

Kirk couldn't help but grin at Spock's defiant attitude. "This isn't like you, Spock. Flagrantly ignoring HQ? Flouting orders? Flatly refusing to cooperate?"

"It is not my intention to be insubordinate, but one must establish one's priorities." Spock frowned and looked down at the padd again. "Of course, the fact that you are now aware of our dilemma places it in an entirely new light. I can deduce by the tone of this conversation that you have resolved to deal with our infraction in the least severe manner possible, but I cannot allow you to do that. It was serious enough that she and I made the joint decision to disregard the new rules, but now we have involved you in our complicity as well. That is a consequence I had not foreseen."

Kirk ran his fingers through his hair. "Spock, you and Uhura are top-notch officers. Hell, everyone knows that you're the best first officer in the fleet. It just so happens that you're also my best friend, but we'll let that pass for now. Anyway, you two have dedicated your lives to Starfleet, but now you find yourselves in an awkward situation. The way I look at it, I can-one, enforce the orders and lose one or even both of you," he counted his options on his fingers, "Two, enforce the orders and split you up, thus destroying your happiness, or three, trust you to handle this discreetly and leave things as they are. Logically speaking, which do you think I should do?"

"If you are to describe your choices in those words, it is quite apparent that the last is the most optimal solution to the problem. I would add, however, that you have adroitly manipulated the logic so that it will allow you to rationalize the conclusion you wished to reach in the first place."

Kirk took a deep breath. "Well, I learned from the best."

The corner of Spock's mouth turned up. "As apparently did I."

"I've always said that if you're going to disregard orders, you might as well disregard them in a big way."

"So am I to tell Nyota that you are 'turning a blind eye' toward our improper behavior?"

"Yup. But speaking of improper behavior, I'm dying of curiosity about you two. May I ask a personal question?"

"You may ask."

"How long have you been involved? Are you, uh, serious? Does anybody else know?"

"Those are several personal questions, but I will answer them. We made the decision to alter the nature of our relationship shortly before she left Dantria the second time. By serious, I assume that you are referring to the depth of our commitment, and I can state that I am quite serious about her. To the best of my knowledge, you are the only person who knows. By the way, I am certain that we would have told you soon, Jim, except for the complication of the new orders."

"And now I'm your accessory in crime."

"So it would seem."

Shaking his head, Kirk said, "You know, Spock, either you've never had an on-board relationship before or you've been more discreet than I would have thought possible even for you, but you've picked a hell of a time to change that. Whichever it is."

"Indeed."

"Anyway, I wish you both the best."

"Thank you, Jim. For everything."

Kirk nodded and smiled, and held Spock's eyes as his friend nodded back. Finally, he said, "I'll see you in the morning, Spock."

"Good night."

He watched Spock leave his quarters, then frowned and rubbed his forehead. Had he just screwed up royally? This business between Spock and Uhura-he knew that Spock wouldn't begin an on-board affair casually, but he also hadn't understood just how deep his involvement really was. No doubt Uhura had been mixed up in romances like this before. She could handle herself. But Spock? Nothing was easy for Spock. In backing his friend up on this, had he just destined him for eventual heartbreak? Of course Uhura would have only the best intentions toward him-her capacity for love seemed to be virtually limitless-but he had seen romances like this go sour before, and he didn't know if Spock would be able to deal with it if it happened to him.

Kirk sighed. There was nothing to do for it now. Actually, remembering how Uhura and Spock had gazed at each other at Chekov's going-away, maybe things would work out for them. They had looked like they belonged together. They had both looked incredibly happy. They had looked...

They had looked like they were in love.

...

"Empty your mind. Nothing else exists. I do not exist. The room does not exist."

Kneeling by the fire, Uhura visualized a clear, blue sky. There were a few clouds in her sky, but as she concentrated they dissipated, one at a time, until the sky was perfectly clear. From a distance she heard Spock's reassuring voice, but the words barely registered.

"You are ready to find the fire, Nyota. One flame burns before you. See it. Now turn inward and find the flame within."

Her blue sky darkened to night, and from the very farthest reaches a small star began to flicker. She focused on the delicate point of light. It sparkled, so diminutive that she could barely see it, but it was definitely there. Trying with all of her being to nurture it, she stopped breathing, not wanting to spare even that much effort from her pursuit of the flame. The star refused to grow, however. Finally, it flared briefly and vanished without a trace. An instant later, her beautiful, velvety black sky rippled and was gone, replaced by the familiar dim red light of Spock's room.

She blew out the breath she'd been holding and met his eyes. "I'm sorry, Spock. Not tonight."

"It does not matter, Nyota. We will try again tomorrow."

She stood. "Yes. We will. Eventually I'll get it, you'll see."

Together, they left his quarters.

...

Later that evening as she closed her eyes and tried to relax, she visualized her black night sky again. She searched for the tiny star, but it was nowhere to be found. Sighing, she moved closer to Spock, and she let the soothing warmth of his body lull her to sleep.

End chapter 4


	5. Chapter 5

The Flame Within, chapter 5

Spock opened the top drawer of Uhura's dresser and pulled out the loose-fitting silk pajama pants she had brought back for him from shore leave two weeks ago. They were not something he would have chosen for himself, but when she explained that she had purchased them based on his admission that he was sometimes uncomfortably cool in her quarters when unclothed, he had been pleased that she would think of him. She had also stated that she expected the midnight blue color to 'look good' on him, and although he was unconvinced about that, he did understand that she was delighted when he wore them. So he tried to remember to wear them often.

She called him from the next room. "Spock! We have a message from Saavik."

"I will join you in a moment."

Stepping into the pants and pulling them up to his waist, he could not deny that they were pleasurable against his skin. He tied the drawstring and walked out to find her waiting in front of her computer. When he sat next to her, she ran her hand down the silk that covered his thigh.

He raised an eyebrow and studied her. "I thought that you wished to hear this message."

"Oh, I do. You just feel so good I couldn't stand it. I'll leave you alone now." Grinning at him, she addressed the computer. "Computer, play message from Saavik."

"Greetings, Spock and Nyota! This morning, Margaret put a calendar in my room so that I can mark off the days until you visit. Only 23 more! It is too bad that you could not come last month, but maybe this will be even better because Margaret says that the mountain flowers will all be in bloom when you get here.

"Last week Rosa went to something called a school dance. She tried to explain it to me, but I am afraid that I did not understand the objective. A boy named Jarel Kinetski came to the house, and Margaret took many holos of them before they left. When they came home, Elizabeth and I peeked out the window, and we saw Jarel kiss Rosa. On the lips! Elizabeth said that it was disgusting, and I thought so, too. I told her that I would never let anyone do that to me."

Uhura chuckled. "I think I said something like that when I was about her age."

"I am pleased that you changed your mind."

"So am I, although I think I'm going to have to get you to look at my back when we're through here. It's really starting to hurt. I think I must have gotten some carpet burns."

"Carpet burns?"

"Abrasions."

"Ah."

Saavik continued. "There was a big story on the news about how the people on Granus Three have destroyed their planet because they have been fighting so much, and how the Enterprise is going there to help. I do not understand how someone could do that to their planet! The report said that these people have always refused to cooperate with the Federation, but that they have no choice anymore because everyone is starving. There were holos of all of you, too. Elizabeth thinks that you are very pretty, Nyota. The story said that the leader who has been causing trouble is in jail now, and that he is going to have to stand trial for murdering many, many people. He sounds very bad to me.

"I must go now. Do not forget that you are coming to visit me in 23 days! Saavik out."

Uhura shook her head. "Poor little thing. She was so disappointed when we had to reschedule last month."

"She understood that the change in assignment was something over which we had no control. Turn around and let me see your back."

Scooting out to the edge of her chair, she loosened her robe and eased it off her shoulders until it fell into the crooks of her elbows. He touched her lightly, concerned at the quantity of reddened areas that he found. Evidently they were more vigorous earlier than he had realized.

"You do have a number of abrasions. I am sorry that I allowed this to happen."

"It wasn't your fault. Besides, I'll bet your knees didn't fare much better."

He pulled up the leg of his pajamas. "I had not noticed, but you are correct."

"I have a dermal regenerator in the bathroom drawer."

"Excellent."

As he walked back through her bedroom, he heard her voice behind him.

"Do you think that Korett will really stand trial for his war crimes?"

"It is difficult to say. Ambassador Lloyd is determined that he be brought to justice, but Granusian justice is very different from Federation justice and I cannot predict which will prevail."

"Something I haven't been able to understand is how Korett managed to convince so many people to join him. Did you see that story about the three brothers who were caught stealing guns to take to him? They were only children!"

"Yes, I did. His followers contend that he is highly persuasive and charismatic, although it is clear to me that he is nothing more than a dangerous fanatic."

Taking his seat again, he checked the settings on the regenerator and held it over the largest abrasion at the base of her spine. The effect was almost instantaneous. Not only did the angry red area begin to fade, but she relaxed noticeably, lulled by the effect of the regeneration field on her skin. After a moment, she continued.

"They say that he was responsible for wiping out entire villages."

"I have no doubt that he was ruthless in his methods. There. Are you more comfortable now?"

"Yes, thanks... mmmm. What are you doing?"

"I am kissing your shoulder." He slid his hands around her. "And now I am touching your breasts."

"I figured that much out."

She leaned against him, and a moment later reached back and placed a hand on his erection, tented beneath the silk of the pajamas.

"Didn't you get enough of this earlier?"

"Evidently not."

He carefully untied the sash and opened her robe. She was naked underneath, and as he began to explore with his fingers, he realized that it was fortunate he had situated himself almost directly behind her despite the fact that they were in separate chairs, for her perch began to seem a bit precarious. Her skin was smooth and inviting, and he closed his eyes and bit her lightly on the shoulder, intrigued as always by her exotic coolness. She was also very moist from their earlier activities, and his fingers were so slick against her that he felt himself grow harder in response.

"Oh, Spock... yes, oh yes, right there." She was panting, urging him on with her pelvis thrust out so that he would have access to all of her. Although she couldn't reach him well enough to actually stroke him, she had managed to discover a way to rub him through the slippery silk of his pajamas. He could hear his own breathing and knew that it was hoarse in her ear.

Suddenly she arched her back until her head was resting on his shoulder, and he knew that his arm across her breasts was all that kept her from sliding to the floor. He continued to caress her, more gently now, until she slumped against him once again.

Preparing to rise and walk with her to the bedroom, he was surprised when she stood and picked up the dermal regenerator instead. Her robe fell unheeded to the floor as she brandished the small piece of equipment in front of him.

"I think that I need to check your knees now, don't I?"

He frowned. "They are somewhat painful, but it is not urgent." His voice was choked with arousal.

"Oh, I think it is. Take off your pants, and I'll take care of you."

Finally understanding her intent, he quickly shed his pants and sat back in the chair. She sank to the floor at his feet and looked closely at the green abrasions on his knees. He knew that they were not severe, but she made a great show of inspecting them.

"These definitely need some attention. Let's see what I can do here."

She slid her hand up the back of his leg until she grasped him lightly behind the knee, and she held the regenerator over the marks. "It might have been hard to explain to someone how you skinned your knees," she said conversationally.

"I am fortunate that I have you to 'take care of me.'"

"Indeed you are."

Switching to the other knee, she peered up at him through her lashes. Her face was at the same level as his groin, and he wondered how long she would draw out her seductive charade. Even though he knew her intent was far from innocent, she was carefully touching him in a non-sexual manner, and he did not understand how she could convey such rich promise by just the merest glance, or by the most subtle shifting of her fingers against his leg. And her posture and her kneeling position between his knees... He was beginning to ache from arousal.

Finally, after what seemed an eternity, she put the regenerator down and smiled.

"Much better."

She scooted closer and draped her arms over his legs. "Is there anything else I can do for you?" Her voice was husky, and he could feel her breath against his skin.

"Yes."

She nuzzled his erection with her lips. "How about this?"

"Ah... Yes."

She licked the length of his shaft.

"This?"

"That is acceptable as well."

She met his eyes. "I'm so glad to hear that."

"I thought that you would be."

She grinned. Grasping the base of his erection, she quickly engulfed him in her mouth and sucked, taking him as deeply into her throat as she could. He drew a quick breath at the suddenness of her action, and he couldn't suppress a small moan when she slowly began to pull her head back, her lips still tight around him.

When she reached the tip, she paused for a moment. "And did you like that?"

He cleared his throat and whispered, "Yes."

Without hesitating, she slid her lips around him again, and he closed his eyes and moved his hands to her shoulders. She was skilled, so skilled, and he knew that she was using every tool at her disposal to bring him pleasure, her lips and her tongue, the fingers of both hands.

Soon he was unable to stop himself from tightening his grip on her shoulders. Evidently able to detect that he would not last much longer like this, she kissed her way up his abdomen and chest until she stood before him.

"Do you think that this chair will hold both of us?"

He pulled her onto his lap. "If it does not, the broken chair will be even more difficult to explain than my skinned knees."

"I'll tell them that I was standing on it to reach something and... Ah! Oh, Spock..."

Straddling him, she managed to get her knees down on the seat on either side of his thighs. He slid in easily, for the way was already well lubricated by the combination of their juices inside her. The chair was tight, but fortunately his hips were narrow and she just fit.

The chair creaked slightly when she began to rock against him.

"Nyota, do not lean on me or the chair will tip over."

"All right. Can you come my way a little more, then? Oh... yes..."

"Put your hands on my shoulders. I will not let you fall onto the floor, and that will allow you to have more leverage. Ah, there..."

Groaning, he tilted his head back, but when he moved, the chair began to tilt as well. He quickly sat straight again.

"Forgive me."

"That's all right, oh, oh, oh... Oh, yes! Oh..."

She dug her fingernails into his shoulders and grew very still, just for an instant, then began to thrust herself against him. He could not wait another moment. Tightening his hands on her buttocks, he began to lean back again, but she grabbed him and pulled his face into her breasts. The sensation of release was so consuming that all he knew was her soft tightness around him and his own pulsations deep within her; it was only when he attempted to take a deep breath moments later that he understood that his face was rather buried.

His voice was muffled when he spoke. "Although this is very agreeable, you may release me at any time."

She laughed. "Sorry! I didn't mean to suffocate you. I just thought that it might spoil the fun if we toppled onto the floor."

"Indeed." He ran his hands around her hips and patted her on the thighs. "Are you ready to retire to the bed?"

"That sounds good, although I'm not sure how to get up gracefully."

"I will assist you."

After a little awkward maneuvering, she managed to clamber off his lap. He picked up his pajamas and her robe, and together they walked into the bedroom. Before she climbed into bed, though, she stopped and pulled him close, pressing the full length of her body against him.

He looked into her eyes curiously. "Yes?"

"You are absolutely the most incredible man I've ever known in my life."

"I am pleased that you think so."

"Oh yes, I do."

They slipped under the covers and stretched out on their backs.

She glanced over at him. "Do you think that you'll have to spend the night on the planet tomorrow?"

"Although the admiral and I would prefer not to stay the night, Ambassador Lloyd has indicated that he intends to accept Nellan's offer of lodging in the palace. If that is the case, the entire landing party will need to remain as well."

"I hope not. You could be down there for a long time."

"We could, although I have sufficient confidence in Ambassador Lloyd to expect the talks to be complete within three days. Perhaps even less now that Korett is in captivity."

"Two days would be about right. I need to do some work on the Broussard transceiver, and the down time we'll have while we're waiting on the talks will give me the perfect opportunity." She rubbed her eyes. "I guess I'm ready to go to sleep. Will you stay the night?"

He could tell by looking at her that she already knew the answer to that question.

"I am sorry Nyota, but I plan to return to my quarters at 0200. I will try not to wake you."

She nodded. "Do you think the day will ever come when I can wake up in the morning and find you beside me?"

"Perhaps someday, but you know that I am uncomfortable-"

"Yes, at staying until the morning, I know." Exasperation in her expression, she held up her hand with her fingers extended for the Vulcan k'ley'a. "And you know that I always have to ask."

He pressed his hand to hers. "Yes. As illogical as it may be."

"That's me. Always illogical. But someday maybe you'll say yes."

They situated themselves for sleep. Just as she was drifting off, he leaned over and kissed her on the cheek. She opened her eyes.

"What was that for?"

"It is very likely that I will not have a chance to talk to you tomorrow, so I wished to say goodbye now."

"Mmmm. Goodbye. I'll miss you."

"It will not be for long."

"I know."

He rolled onto his side and watched her as she settled back down for sleep.

...

The next thing she knew, she felt a stirring in the bed next to her as he rose. Not opening her eyes, she listened to him dress, and then ask the computer if the corridor outside her quarters was empty. She was already asleep again by the time the door swooshed shut behind him.

End chapter 5


	6. Chapter 6

The Flame Within, chapter 6

"Ambassador, are you ready?"

"Yes, Admiral. I've been working toward this for two years, and if I'm not ready by now, I never will be."

"Then I guess that means it's time for us to go. Mr. Sulu, you have the con."

Quickly smiling at Spock, Kirk stood to allow Sulu to take the center chair. Spock knew that while the admiral was generally not fond of diplomats, he had developed respect for the portly, middle-aged human who had already started for the turbolift. Lloyd was nothing if not enthusiastic, and Spock could tell that Kirk was amused by the ambassador's eagerness to beam down. He raised an eyebrow before following them.

McCoy, who stood in his usual spot in the center of the bridge, said, "Good luck, Ambassador. And Jim and Spock... Try to stay out of trouble, y'hear?"

"Bones, you know we never get into trouble," replied Kirk.

Spock glanced at Uhura as he passed her station, but she was busy and couldn't spare him more than just a quick smile. It had been difficult for him to leave her bed this morning; perhaps it was time for him to consider staying all night. However, staying would increase the odds that their relationship would be detected, and he was not ready to take the risk. No, it was better that he continue to leave when the corridors were deserted, well before the time that a friend might casually drop by to visit or to escort her to breakfast. He watched her work until the turbolift doors closed and obscured his view.

Kirk took a deep breath, and Spock knew that he was anxious to get underway. "Ambassador, I've assigned one additional man to beam down with us for security purposes. He'll meet us in the transporter room."

"Admiral, that isn't necessary. The Granusians are eager to meet with us, and I know there won't be any trouble."

"It's just standard procedure. Spock, did you speak with Nellan this morning?"

"Sy Nellan was not available. I discussed the plans with his aide, one Nia Sanger. She has asked us to beam into the primary entry hall, and they will escort us to the meeting site from there."

The ambassador tilted his head. "Nia Sanger. I don't believe I've talked with her before, but Nellan has so many people working for him that I'm not surprised you got someone new."

They exited the lift and headed for the transporter room.

"Have you made any arrangements for the disposition of Korett, Ambassador?" asked Spock.

"No, not yet. I'm hoping that they'll turn him over to us as a gesture of goodwill. The Andorians are screaming for blood, after that family was killed in one of his raids, and I'm afraid that if the Federation doesn't take him into custody they'll do something rash."

Kirk shook his head. "The Andorians will just have to get in line. They aren't the only ones who lost citizens in that attack on the spaceport. He's wanted on Earth for his war crimes, and I understand that the Vulcans have a stake in this, too."

Lloyd nodded. "He's made a lot of enemies."

Lieutenant Davis was waiting when they entered the transporter room, and the four of them stepped onto the pad without any further hesitation.

"Showtime, Ambassador. Would you like to give the order?"

The ambassador chuckled. "Energize."

...

Uhura turned toward the center of the bridge and caught Sulu's attention. "Mr. Sulu, the transporter room reports that the landing party has beamed down."

"Thank you, Commander. Any word from the surface?"

"Yes, sir. Admiral Kirk is reporting in... Wait." Uhura frowned. "Hang on. It sounds like there's some sort of disturbance."

"On audio."

Suddenly she heard the unmistakable sound of weaponfire, and her blood turned to ice in her veins. She frantically worked her board.

"Admiral Kirk, come in! Admiral! Mr. Spock! I've lost them, Mr. Sulu."

Sulu hit the arm of his chair. "Transporter room! Emergency beam-out!"

The transporter chief's voice rang out over the tense silence of the bridge. "I can't lock onto them, Commander. There's some sort of interference."

Uhura cut in. "Message from Mr. Spock-lock onto his communicator! Medical emergency!" She didn't know how her voice sounded so strong, for she couldn't catch her breath. The blood was rushing through her ears with so much force that she could actually hear it. Oh, Lord...

Sulu shouted, "Transporter room!"

The reply was quick. "Locked on! Energizing."

McCoy was already in the lift calling for a medical team, but as soon as the doors closed, the bridge became silent as everyone awaited word from the transporter room. Although Uhura knew that only seconds had passed, it seemed like an eternity before the transporter chief's voice sounded from the speaker.

"Mr. Sulu! We have Admiral Kirk. He's badly wounded. There's blood all over the place."

"Medics are on the way," Sulu said tersely. "Anyone else?"

"No, sir. The admiral's communicator must have been destroyed, because it was Mr. Spock's that we locked onto. Mr. Spock wasn't with him."

Even though her hands kept working her board, Uhura closed her eyes and said a quick prayer. When she opened them, she saw that Sulu was looking at her.

"Anything else?"

"No," she said tightly. "Nothing at all. As the chief said, the admiral's communicator was destroyed. I can confirm that. And we know that Spock doesn't have his anymore. I can't detect any sign that the other communicators were damaged, so they must be under a shield or a scrambler."

"Okay. Call your relief to the bridge and have him keep trying. You're in command. I'm going to sickbay, and then I'm taking a team down there to see what I can find out."

"Yes, sir. And Hikaru-be careful."

"I will, Nyota."

Watching him leave the bridge, she took a calming breath and pushed her concern for Spock to the back of her mind. He had been able to call for assistance and put his communicator on Kirk, so she would just have to have faith that he was all right. She walked to the command chair and hit the switch.

"Sickbay. How is Admiral Kirk?"

One of McCoy's nurses answered the hail. "He has a gaping chest wound and has lost a lot of blood. Dr. McCoy is operating."

"Keep me posted. Uhura out."

Now all she could do was wait.

...

As Spock walked next to Ambassador Lloyd, he rubbed his hands on his jacket in an attempt to remove the blood. It had begun to dry, and the red stickiness would make it difficult for him to use his hands if he needed to. Of course, it appeared that he would be exceedingly limited in doing anything for at least the near future, but he wished to be prepared in any event.

The ambassador whispered, "Was Kirk still alive?"

Spock nodded, unable to voice a response as he remembered the sensation of Kirk's heart beating under his hand. The young woman he assumed must have been Nia Sanger had drawn a weapon the moment they materialized, and the next thing they knew, they had been overwhelmed by the terrorists who had poured into the room. It had happened so quickly that Spock barely had time to understand that their communicators were being scrambled before an incendiary device ripped through the group and left Kirk bleeding on the floor.

The terrorists had ignored Kirk, evidently assuming that he was either dying or already dead, but Spock had gambled that the scrambler was a mobile unit and that it would not be effective when everyone left. Ambassador Lloyd and Lieutenant Davis were already being forced out of the room when a large, rough man had literally dragged Spock away from where he was attempting to hold Kirk's heart together. In desperation, Spock had ripped off his own communicator and yelled for beam-up in the last second before he was pulled away. He could only hope that he had been successful.

Lloyd tried to speak with Spock again. "Where do you think they're taking us?"

"I do not know, but I can tell you whom we are to see."

"Really? Who?"

"Korett."

The ambassador was so shocked that he stopped walking, and someone prodded him in the back to make him move again. "What?"

"We are caught in a coup, and since it appears to have been successful, it is logical to assume that Korett has been freed and is now planning to dictate terms."

It was the ambassador's turn to be speechless. Spock darted a glance at him and saw that he was unnaturally pale. As well he should be. They were indeed in serious trouble.

...

Uhura sat stiffly on the bridge and waited for word from Sulu. He had assembled a team and beamed down to a remote location near the meeting place in hopes that Spock, Lloyd, and Davis were still there_. And were still alive_. She squashed the traitorous little voice that kept whispering from the back of her mind.

Lieutenant Chan, her replacement at communications, turned in surprise. "Commander Uhura, we're being hailed from the planet."

"Is it Mr. Spock?"

"No, it's not one of our men. It's a woman named Sanger, and she said that she's the spokesperson for Els Korett." Chan's voice was awed as he said that infamous name.

Uhura swallowed. "On screen."

The hard face of an angry young woman came on screen, and Uhura stood.

"This is Lieutenant Commander Nyota Uhura of the Starship Enterprise. We demand to know what you have done with our men."

"Lieutenant Commander Nyota Uhura, my name is Nia Sanger. We have your men in custody, and they are alive and well."

Although she was careful not to alter her posture, internally Uhura sagged with relief.

Sanger continued. "I represent Els Korett. He is willing to return your men to you in exchange for safe ferry to a destination of his choice. If you do not agree to this, your men will die."

Uhura thought quickly. Sulu had beamed down nearly twenty minutes ago. Since she hadn't heard from him for the last ten, she assumed that he was close enough that he could no longer communicate easily with the ship. If she could just buy him some time, he might be able to find the landing party.

"I am willing to discuss these terms, but I will not talk to anyone but Els Korett. Also, I want proof that our men are still alive."

The young woman hesitated for a moment and glanced offscreen. When she faced Uhura again, she said, "Els Korett will talk to you. We will contact you soon. Sanger out."

Uhura grimaced when the screen flickered out. Damn. She'd wanted to keep the young woman talking longer so she could learn about the conditions down there, but the woman had cut off communications too quickly.

She sat back down in her chair to wait.

...

Spock, Lloyd, and Davis were ushered into a small, dirty area filled with milling, uneasy members of what was surely Korett's entourage. Quickly assessing the room, Spock counted eight men and five women. He could not help but wrinkle his nose at the stench of unwashed bodies.

One man separated himself from the group, and Spock immediately recognized Korett.

Clearly enjoying his newly restored power, Korett swaggered up to them and asked, "Which one of you is the leader?"

Spock did not intend to give them any information, so he was dismayed when the ambassador said, "I... I guess I am."

Korett took a step toward the ambassador, but before he could respond, Spock interrupted. "He is not. I am Commander Spock. With Admiral Kirk incapacitated, I am now in command."

Korett walked over to stand before Spock and looked him up and down. Spock stood calmly and did not react, even when Korett moved so close that they were nose to nose.

"A Vulcan. Well, your shipmates will pay just as dearly for your blood as they will for the ambassador's, so I guess it doesn't really matter to me who is in charge. When we call them back, you're going to stand beside me and tell them that they will take me anyplace I want to go. Or you're going to die."

"Then I shall die, because I will not tell them anything of the sort."

"You're pretty tough. We'll see."

Korett motioned to one of his men. "Line them up over there, and we'll call back Lieutenant Commander Uhura. If Commander Spock won't talk, we'll just have to get rid of him and find someone who will."

As Spock allowed himself to be manhandled over to the wall, he pondered what he had learned. Korett was free, but apparently not in a position of control because he and his followers were arranging to be taken off the planet. His intelligence sources were poor, for he had not known who the senior officer was among the three of them. Finally, if Uhura was in command of the ship, Sulu must be otherwise occupied. It would be logical to assume that a rescue attempt was underway. The best thing for Spock to do at this point would be to appear to cooperate and give Uhura and Sulu the time they needed.

He caught Korett's eye. "I will talk."

"Good. I knew that you would. Nia, contact the ship again."

When Uhura's face came on screen, Spock straightened and tried to read her expression. She was determined but not overly strained, so it would appear that she was hopeful she would be able to effect a rescue.

Korett addressed her. "Lieutenant Commander Uhura, as you can see, these three men are unharmed. This one, Commander Spock, has something to say to you." Korett pushed him forward and he stumbled slightly, off-balance with his hands bound before him.

"Commander Uhura. Mr. Korett has expressed his wish to board the Enterprise and be taken to a place of his choosing, and he has asked that I relay this request to you. I assume that his twelve supporters will wish to accompany him. We are unharmed. Lieutenant Davis suffered a minor injury in the struggle that took place after beam-down, but he was able to walk to this area unaided."

Korett pulled Spock back into line. "So, we trade these three men for safe passage. Bring us up there now, and I will not kill them."

Uhura frowned. "I... have to discuss this with the admiral. I'll get back to you."

"You have five minutes! And we will contact you. Korett out."

Spock struggled to maintain his composure as he was shoved against the wall again and forced to sit. Jim was alive! Uhura had just told him that. He knew very well, though, that the admiral was in no shape to discuss anything with her. He sat in the designated spot and discreetly continued to work on the ropes that bound his wrists.

...

Uhura whipped around to Chan. Spock had just given her a great deal of valuable information. "Contact Mr. Sulu. Tell him that Spock, Lloyd, and Davis are being held in a room that's within walking distance of the beam-down site. Korett is there with twelve of his followers. Quickly!"

She leaned on the arm of her chair. "Scotty, did you hear that?"

"Aye, lass. We're standing by the transporters. If Sulu can locate the scrambler, we'll be right on top of them and ready to beam up."

"Good. We'll keep our fingers crossed."

Chan interrupted. "I was able to relay the information to Mr. Sulu. He said that he thinks they're close, because they've been forced to neutralize several men who were patrolling the halls."

Nodding, she turned back to the viewscreen and tried to come up with another excuse to delay Korett.

...

Spock could tell that the ropes had begun to loosen, but before he was able to free himself, he felt rough hands dragging him back to his feet.

Korett signaled to Sanger, and she activated the communication device.

"Lieutenant Commander Uhura, your time is up."

Uhura sat calmly in the center seat. "You told us that we had five minutes, Mr. Korett. Only four have elapsed."

"I changed my mind," Korett sneered. "I want your answer now."

"What assurance do we have that you will keep your word?"

"Why, Lieutenant Commander, you have no assurance at all, other than the assurance that these three men will die slowly and painfully if you do not comply."

Sanger frowned and picked up her small hand-held communicator. "Els! It's Merser. He said that they're under attack! Federation soldiers!"

Korett looked at her, wild-eyed, but before he could respond there was the sound of a scuffle in the hallway. He turned back to Uhura.

"Is this your doing?"

She stood, her back straight and her demeanor firm. "Els Korett, you are under arrest. Surrender now, and you will be taken into custody."

"What! Bitch, you have made a huge mistake!"

"Surrender, Korett, and I will call off the attack."

"No! We won't surrender. If you don't call off your men, I'll kill this man right now." Korett angrily grabbed Spock by the arm and shoved a firearm up to his temple. The sensation of the cold metal against his skin was unexpected, but Spock did not flinch, instead steadily staring straight ahead. He knew that Uhura would do the right thing.

Her tone steely, she said, "The Federation does not negotiate with terrorists, Mr. Korett. Release the hostages and put down your weapons, and you will not be harmed."

Spock could see that Korett was insanely angry. The terrorist leader's fingers dug painfully into his arm, and the weapon was pressed so hard against his temple that his head had begun to ache. Spittle flew from Korett's mouth as he screamed, "This man is FORFEIT!"

Bracing himself for the ripping pain of a projectile through his skull, Spock held Uhura's eyes and willed her to understand that he was exceedingly proud of her for holding her ground_. The fire burns within you, Nyota. Know this always_. Therefore, when Korett drew his arm back and brought the butt of the weapon down hard against his face, he was unprepared, and the impact of the blow staggered him.

His head was reeling as Korett dragged him back upright. He could tell that he was bleeding profusely from the area of his mouth, but his face was so numb that he was uncertain what was damaged. Uhura was clearly on edge, obviously both relieved that the weapon had not been discharged but also shocked by the sudden viciousness of the attack. He blinked and tried to focus on her while he ran his tongue around his mouth and counted his teeth.

Korett pushed the gun up against the side of his head again as the sound of weaponfire grew louder. Several of Korett's followers had drawn their own weapons and stood crouched by the door. In the midst of the confusion, Spock could see from his peripheral vision that Davis had managed to free one hand. Feigning weakness, he leaned into Korett's grasp, hoping to distract him from Davis' movements.

"The next green blood you see will be mixed with brain matter! This is your last chance!"

"This is your last chance, Korett. We will not negotiate. Surrender now."

"Never!"

"Then the blood of your followers is on your own hands." Uhura met Spock's eyes quickly in apology, and he could see in her expression the awareness that they could very well be saying goodbye to one another. He nodded slightly, accepting and approving of her decision.

She looked back at Korett. "Uhura out."

Projecting raw fury, Korett stepped in front of Spock and put the barrel of the weapon directly between his eyes, and Spock marveled at the illogic of his opponent. By moving into this location, Korett placed himself into a position of greater access to both Lloyd and Spock. In addition, if Korett were to kill one of his captives when no one from the Enterprise was watching, he would have played one of his cards for no purpose. The desired effect of sacrificing a hostage would be wasted.

All but two of Korett's followers had left the room. The odds were now much better. Although Ambassador Lloyd would not be of great assistance, Spock felt relatively confident that he and Davis could handle Korett and his two remaining men. He watched Davis from the corner of his eye and waited for a sign that the other man was ready to act.

Suddenly, the door burst open, and Davis took advantage of that distraction and leapt for Korett. Spock saw Korett's finger tighten on the trigger, but before the weapon fired, he ducked and kicked Korett's feet out from under him. The bullet went harmlessly into the wall over his head.

Quickly throwing his hands around Korett's neck, Spock bore him to the ground. Even though his wrists were bound, he was able to use his forearm to subdue Korett, and he watched as Davis wrested away the weapon and dove in the opposite direction, firing at the two men at the door. At that very same instant, Sulu charged through the door followed by three people in Federation uniforms.

Sulu skidded to a halt as his men grabbed Korett's two remaining followers. Korett screamed and kicked, but Spock held him easily.

"Greetings, Mr. Sulu."

Sulu grinned. "Why, it looks like you three have this situation entirely under control. Maybe I should just return to the ship."

"I would be quite pleased if we all were to return to the ship, but may I request that Ensign Mbuya relieve me of my burden first?"

Sulu directed the ensign to take Korett, and then quickly untied the ropes that held Spock's and the Ambassador's wrists.

"That's a beaut of a busted lip you have there, Mr. Spock."

"I have no doubt that the quantity of blood is impressive." Spock searched the floor and, spotting his quarry, bent to retrieve it. "I believe that this is one of my teeth, as well."

Pulling out his communicator, Sulu said, "Sulu to Enterprise. Prepare to beam up both landing parties. Everyone is alive and well with only minor injuries. I repeat, we have no need for emergency medical assistance. Korett and a number of his supporters are in custody."

Spock could hear the cheer from the background as Uhura's voice, uneven but joyous, emanated from Sulu's communicator.

"Enterprise reads you loud and clear. We are prepared to beam you up. Welcome back."

Placing a firm hand on the shaken ambassador's elbow, Spock moved into position for beam-up, and soon he felt the familiar tingle of the transporter beam.

...

Sinking into her seat, Uhura covered her face briefly with her hands before hitting the switch on the arm of the chair. Those moments between disconnecting from Korett and receiving the message from Sulu had been the longest and most difficult of her life. Well, no, that wasn't true. The most difficult moment in her life had been when she'd had to meet Spock's eyes and essentially give the order to sacrifice the landing party.

"This is Commander Uhura." She was on ship-wide broadcast. "The situation on the planet is under control. Korett has been apprehended, and the landing party is alive and well. Admiral Kirk has come out of surgery and is expected to recover fully. We can all be grateful that this day is over. Uhura out."

Taking another moment to gather her composure, she rose and headed toward the lift. "Sallee, you have the con. I'm on my way to sickbay."

End chapter 6


	7. Chapter 7

The Flame Within, chapter 7

Stretched out on a diagnostic bed in sickbay, Kirk laced his hands carefully across his chest and tried to relax. According to Spock, who was sitting next to him holding a handful of gauze to his mouth and waiting for McCoy to take care of the more serious injuries, Korett and his party had been taken into custody and the Ambassador was already back down on the planet. Kirk would have preferred that one of his senior staff accompany the ambassador, but neither he nor Spock had been able to convince Lloyd to take more than just a single yeoman with him. The Granusians had stated that they were impressed at the ambassador's dedication and willingness to beam back down so quickly, so maybe it wasn't such a bad move. Time would tell.

Kirk looked over at Spock to see him switch the gauze to his other hand and gingerly try another angle.

"Sore?"

"It is somewhat painful, yes." Spock's voice was muffled by the gauze.

"I can sympathize. I've had more than one split lip through the years, although I can't say I ever had a tooth knocked out."

"How is your chest?"

"It hurts to breathe, but I'm grateful to even be breathing so I can't complain. I understand that I have you to thank for saving my life."

"I was uncertain as to whether I actually assisted you or inflicted more damage. I am pleased to hear that I was able to help."

Kirk smiled, and Spock nodded in response. Before Kirk could continue, he heard the sickbay door open, and they both looked up to see Uhura enter the room.

Neither she nor Spock said anything, but as she walked over to stand beside Spock, Kirk could see the wordless communication pass between them. Suddenly he felt like an intruder, but he was stranded here. The best he could do was pretend he wasn't watching. It was impossible _not_ to watch, however. How had they managed to keep this a secret for the five months since Spock had returned to the ship? The expressions on their faces told it all.

She stood by Spock for a moment before carefully reaching out to rest her hand on his shoulder. It was as if she had to reassure herself that he was really here, he was really whole, and she almost seemed to go limp with relief the moment she made contact. The touch only lasted for a couple of seconds, but before she had pulled her hand away, Kirk saw Spock swallow and pull his brows together, struggling to retain his control in the intensity of the moment.

An instant later, Uhura looked over at McCoy, and Kirk saw the two of them change back into his highly professional first officer and communications officer.

"How are the others?" she asked.

"Flesh wounds only," replied Spock.

"What about you? That was quite a blow you took."

He pulled the gauze away to show her his wound. "I have a ruptured lip and a dislocated tooth."

She cringed. "Heavens. Where _is_ your tooth?"

Leaning back so she could see the small vial of liquid on the tabletop next to him, Spock said, "I anticipate that Dr. McCoy will be able to restore it without any difficulty."

"I sure hope so. Well, I have to get back to the bridge. I'll talk to you later."

"Yes. And Commander-you performed most admirably today."

She gave him a troubled look that Kirk couldn't quite decipher, shook her head, and left sickbay. After the door closed behind her, Spock continued to gaze at it for a moment before frowning and dropping his eyes.

Pitching his voice too low for anyone else to hear, Kirk murmured, "Spock, today the two of you had to face the worst thing you'll probably ever have to face. I just want to make sure you understand that."

He nodded. "I do, but it occurs to me that it will not be any easier next time. And undoubtedly there will be a next time."

Kirk didn't know how to respond to that, and before he could formulate a reply, McCoy called for Spock. He watched his friend pick up the tooth and walk over to the diagnostic bed on the other side of the room.

Damn. He wished that he had some sage words of wisdom, but he didn't. Spock was absolutely right, and they both knew it.

...

Uhura dimmed the lights and waited for Spock. She'd tried to read for a while, and then she'd tried to work, but she was really too drained to do anything. Finally she decided to just sit on the sofa, drink a glass of wine, and stare into empty space.

She was on her second glass by the time she heard him walk through the door. Although she'd hoped that the alcohol might take the sharp edges off her constant reliving of the day's events, she was disappointed to realize that she only felt a small relaxing of her muscles and nothing more. She listened to him pad quietly across the room, but she didn't turn around. She'd resolved to play it cool when he joined her, no emotional scenes, no dramatic rehashing of what happened today, but when his footsteps stopped and she looked up to see him standing before her, all her intentions dissolved. She came to her feet, gazed into his eyes, then drifted over to rest against his chest.

"Oh, Spock, I was so afraid I'd never feel you next to me again."

Recovering from the surprise of finding her clinging to him, he put one hand on her back and the other behind her head.

"It is over, and we both survived the experience."

"Yes, we did, but we were lucky and it just as easily could have ended in tragedy."

His lack of response spoke louder than words, and she felt tears begin to well up in her eyes. A sob escaped. "Shit. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to cry."

"Shhh. It is all right."

His voice was so strained that she drew back to look into his face, and she was nearly bowled over by the realization that he was just as shaken by the entire experience as she was. Suddenly, she felt as if the floodgates had opened, and she couldn't stop the words from tumbling out of her mouth.

"I thought that you were going to die, and that I was not only going to have to watch, I was going to be responsible for the decision that caused your death. We've always said that we could handle something like this, that we were officers and we understood the risk, but when it happened, really happened, I could barely do it." Somehow, he had eased her down onto the sofa and they were both sitting. "You were bleeding, and he had the gun to your head, and I could see his finger on the trigger and the bloodlust in his eyes. Spock, I've loved you forever, but now I _love _you, I love you so much, I don't think I could live with myself if I allowed your death."

Abruptly, she ran out of words, and as she tried to control her trembling hands, she realized what she had confessed to him. In the eight months since they'd first found each other, she had never spoken of the fact that she'd fallen so deeply in love with him. She hadn't wanted to scare him away. Now, though, the words were out of her mouth, and she couldn't take them back. Unable to look at him, she stared at her hands where they were clasped between her knees.

Finally, he lifted her chin so that she had no choice but to meet his eyes.

"Nyota, what you have said to me is no surprise. I see it in your thoughts every time I touch your mind, and in your eyes when you look at me. Can you not understand that even though I do not speak of it, I feel the same way about you? It pains me to know that you would be hurt through a decision such as the one you made today. You made the only decision you could make. If it were ever to happen again, I must know now that you could do it. That you could do it and live with yourself afterward."

"I can't promise, Spock. That's why I'm so afraid."

His shoulders drooped, and she felt like she'd let him down terribly.

When he drew her close, though, he surprised her by whispering, "I know. I am not convinced that I could do it, either."

...

Unable to sleep, Uhura lay with her head on Spock's chest and listened to his heart. The sound was more subliminal than it was audible, and she actually wasn't even sure if she heard it or just imagined that she heard it. She definitely could feel it as it pulsated against her side, and maybe that was misleading her. It seemed like another lifetime that she had been so captivated by his misplaced heartbeat. Now, she knew that it would be jarring to place her head on a man's chest and hear something ponderous and slow thud directly against her ear.

Wiggling her toes, she searched for the covers. Although Spock provided enough body heat to keep her warm, she knew that he'd be cool later. Oh, well. If he became chilled, he'd wake. If not, he'd sleep. She'd wake him up for certain if she moved now, so she decided to stay as she was.

She closed her eyes, trying yet again to shut out the image of her lover, his expression stoic, with a gun pressed to his temple and a river of emerald-green flowing from his lip... but as soon as her eyes were shut, her imagination supplied what she had been sure would happen next, and her eyes flew back open_. Stop this, stop this, stop this, Nyota._ Trying to take a deep breath, she was horrified to hear the embarrassing shuddering sound that came from her chest instead. She froze, but he didn't stir. Good. Let him sleep. He didn't need to be subjected to yet another scene.

When they'd made love earlier, there had been no foreplay, no playfulness, just a raw, overriding need to be as close to one another as they could. She had clung to him as he pounded into her, and when she came, the tears had flowed down her cheeks, a silent betrayal of the pain that she was trying to exorcise in the act of merging her body and mind with his own. Of course he had been able to see it all in her thoughts, but the tangible expression of her fear had been humiliating. And when he'd kissed away her tears so tenderly, it had only become worse, and she'd had to hide her face against his shoulder until she could stop.

What would happen to them now? Could they get past this? A good night's sleep would help put today into perspective. Maybe it wouldn't seem so bad tomorrow.

She stared into the dark and fancied that she could hear his blood rushing through his veins.

...

Spock looked at the ceiling and resisted the urge to reach for the sheets. Uhura was finally quiet and still, but she had been exceedingly troubled not only about what had happened today but about her reaction to what had happened today. If he woke her, he feared that she would not be able to go back to sleep. He remained motionless. It was not necessary that he cover himself.

Feeling a lingering dampness on his neck, he thought back to her emotional response to their coupling. He had been rather surprised by her reaction, but on reflection he knew that he should not have been. She had fought all evening to maintain her composure, so perhaps it was inevitable that her emotions would spring to the surface when she relaxed her guard. She was an exceptional woman; it troubled him that she was so mortified when she finally broke down and cried in front of him. From what he understood of human emotions, her delayed reaction was typical and did not indicate weakness. Indeed, he had no doubt that it was beneficial for her to purge such negative emotions in that manner.

She moved her foot slightly and a moment later took a deep, shaky breath, but soon was still again. Was she dreaming? Hopefully she would not be subjected to disquieting dreams tonight, but perhaps he should prepare himself for the fact that she might. The human brain was highly complex, and it tended to allow reality to blend into fantasy even when the portions of the brain that rested during sleep were dormant. Although it had been many years since he had suffered from such a tendency himself, he remembered all too well how disconcertingly real a nightmare could seem, even after the rational mind had once again gained control. The events of the day had certainly been sufficient to induce a nightmare. Unable to resist, he pushed at his tooth with his tongue and was reassured to find it sturdily back in place.

His mind returned to his dilemma of late, and he was struck by the parallel between his mental processes and his reaction to his missing tooth. Just as he had been unable to keep from worrying at the empty place on his gums with his tongue earlier, he could not stop prodding at the problem that rested in his thoughts. He and Uhura had known one another for many years and had advanced into an intimate relationship with relative ease. The next logical step would be to ask her to bond with him, but yet... but yet, he could not bring himself to take that step. It would be five years before he was forced to take a mate, so there was no need to rush. Indeed, if pon farr were his only consideration, he probably did not need to take a mate at all. He had endured his last without a permanent mate. He could do so again. Having developed this relationship with her, though, he knew that he would not find such stop-gap measures nearly as agreeable in the future.

Truly, it was time for him to tell her about pon farr. How would she react? Would she experience a sense of anticipation? Would she bond with him from pity? Would she fear him? Reject him? T'Pring had. It was not out of the realm of possibility that she would, too, although he found it highly unlikely.

In addition, now they must deal with this latest complication in their relationship. If they were to continue to serve together, they must come to terms with what had happened today. He could attempt to deceive himself and wait for her to learn to deal with it, but he knew that she was not the only one who was uneasy. He would be dishonest with both of them if he pretended so. The terror he had seen in her mind earlier had struck a chord within him, and he did not understand what that meant.

Sighing lightly, he looked up at the chronometer on her ceiling and saw that it read 0200 hours. Of course, he had already known exactly what time it was. Deciding that it was time to return to his own quarters, he perversely did not move.

Perhaps he would stay here until 0300 hours, and enjoy the weight of her head on his chest and her limbs where they overlapped his own.

...

"The time is 0630 hours."

Burying her face in the pillow, Uhura ignored the computer's gratingly inflectionless voice.

"The time is 0631 hours."

"Go away."

"Please respecify parameters of command."

"Okay. More specifically, go to hell."

"Please respecify parameters of command."

"Computer, time acknowledged," she said with annoyance.

She groaned and rolled onto her back with her hands over her face. Why did she feel so shitty? Oh, yes. As if a lead weight had landed on her soul, the events of yesterday and last night rushed back. That's why she felt like a malfunctioning antigrav sled had rolled over her.

She dropped her hands to her sides and stared at the ceiling. As she contemplated the barely detectable seam that had been left when Scotty moved her chrono, she became aware that she wasn't alone. She turned on her pillow to find Spock watching her, his head propped on his hand and a highly amused expression on his face.

"Good morning, Nyota."

Smiling, she rolled over to face him. "What are you doing here?"

"I decided that I wished to find you next to me when I woke this morning."

She was too touched to think of how to react at first. After a moment, she scooted closer and said, "And isn't it nice?"

"Indeed it is. Why did I not do this sooner?"

"I don't know. It's not like I never asked."

"I cannot argue with that statement."

They looked at one another for a moment, and he finally brushed her cheek with his finger. She knew that her eyes were bound to be horribly swollen and puffy, but he didn't comment on them. "How are you this morning?" he asked gently.

"Better, I think. I'm still exhausted and not happy with the way I handled it all-"

"Do not say that-"

"Please let me speak. I know that I did just fine on the bridge, and that I was bound to have a so-called emotional reaction eventually. I even know that you were all right with my crying. What I don't like, however, is that it took me so long get a grip on myself afterward."

"And now?"

"Now... I'm fine. I suppose. Next time I won't fool myself into thinking that I won't be affected by it, and I won't allow myself to be blindsided by my unavoidable human emotions."

"And next time, I will understand that the face you present to the universe, no matter how impressively confident you may appear, does not necessarily tell the entire story of what is occurring in your heart."

"And what about you? Could you give that order when it's my life on the line?"

"Yes."

"Are you sure about that?"

"I have no choice but to believe that I could do it."

"Same here." She captured his fingers and kissed them. "Would you like to grab some breakfast? Or would you like to skip breakfast and grab something else instead?"

"I am not particularly hungry."

"What a coincidence. Neither am I. I would really like to take a shower, though. What do you say we conserve water this morning and take one together?"

"That would be efficient." He rose and started toward the fresher, but only took a couple of steps before halting. "Nyota, regardless of any shortcomings you may perceive in your own behavior, I was very proud of your performance yesterday. I firmly believe that you could do the same again."

"Thanks, Spock. That means a lot to me. And I meant it when I said that I love you. I do, you know. Very much."

"Yes. I know."

He held her eyes for a moment, and she thought that maybe he had something else to say, but finally he walked away. She rolled onto her back. Would she be able to give that order again if she had to?

When she heard the water come on, she rose and followed him into the bathroom.

End chapter 7


	8. Chapter 8

The Flame Within, chapter 8

Staring dully into the empty space just above his computer screen, Kirk mulled over the ramifications of what he'd just read. This was good news, no doubt about it, yet he couldn't find it within himself to rejoice. He could predict with certainty that the parties affected wouldn't rejoice much, either.

Only four days had passed since the incident with the Granusians! This couldn't have arisen from that alone. HQ must have already been considering it and just decided to hurry things up a bit to recognize a job well done-that had to be the case. He refused to believe that he, himself, was responsible for it, although he knew with a guilty twinge that he probably was at least partly responsible. He'd written a glowing report with a number of commendations and recommendations, but he'd never expected it to be acted on so quickly.

One thing he knew was that he couldn't treat this notice as if it were any different from other similar notices he'd received in the past. He would have to get everyone together, and they'd throw a little party in honor of the occasion. He just wouldn't divulge all the contents of the missive until afterwards.

Signaling his yeoman, he told her to arrange for the senior staff to meet him in the officer's lounge tonight for drinks and a special announcement.

...

Spock entered Uhura's quarters and held up a small data wafer. She was seated by her desk pulling on her boots, and she grinned when she saw what he had.

"A message from Saavik? Do we have time to listen to it before we have to go?"

"Are you ready?"

"Of course I'm ready! What kind of a question is that?"

"Then we should have time to listen to it."

She shook her head as they seated themselves by her computer. She'd only been late once or twice, maybe three times since they started seeing each other, but you'd think that she was late every time. When she met his eyes, though, she had to smile-it was such a relief to finally start feeling relaxed and normal around him again. They'd been walking around on eggshells for the last four days, treating their relationship as if it were some fragile, breakable thing, and she was tired of it.

Obviously having some of the same thoughts, Spock held his fingers up for the ritual embrace, and she touched him briefly before they turned as one to Saavik's serious face.

"Greetings, Spock and Nyota! It is only 18 days until you come to visit me! Margaret said that I should sleep in Elizabeth's room while you are here, and that you can have my room, Nyota. I tried to sleep with Elizabeth when Phillip's brother and his children came to visit, and I learned that Elizabeth snores and kicks, but that is all right. I do not mind. Well, I minded when those little children slept in my room, but I do not mind for you. Actually, Margaret said that maybe I won't need to move out of my room, but that we will have to wait and see. I do not know where she expects you to sleep if I do not, though, because the cats are always all over the sofa."

Spock made a small sound and murmured, "Margaret is already 'fishing' for information about our relationship."

Uhura laughed. "She's fishing in the wrong pond. Saavik's clueless."

The little girl continued. "The two stupid boys went away on a trip to Earth so we have been able to stay in their treehouse all we want. The trees are so full that no one can see us when we are up there. It has been interesting, especially when Rosa sits in the back yard with her new boyfriend. Margaret told us that we are not allowed to spy on her, but I do not think it is spying when we are there first. Elizabeth said that he is goofy, and that Rosa is a geek because she kisses him too much. I agree."

Spock frowned slightly. "I do not understand those references."

"I'll explain them to you sometime."

"We are on vacation from school, so we are going to camp in the mountains for three days. Margaret asked me if I have ever camped out before! She does not know where I used to live, so I just told her that I have not. Technically, it was not a lie, since I never had a tent or a backpack or shoes or food or any of those things that Margaret says we have to take if we are going to camp out. Elizabeth says that it is fun because we get to take our clothes off and do swimming in the creek. I put my hand in that creek before, and it is cold. I do not think that sounds like much fun.

"I must go now. Remember, 18 days! Saavik out."

Sitting back, Spock said, "I do not know how she thinks we could forget."

"Oh, she's just excited. And so am I! We'll have a great time. Just the two of us, traveling somewhere together... I can't wait." She ejected the data wafer and came to her feet. "I wonder what Admiral Kirk's big announcement is about tonight. Has he told you?"

"No, he has not, and that is unusual. Of course, I understand that he only learned of it this morning, and I have not spoken to him at any great length today."

"I guess we'll find out soon enough."

They left her quarters and headed for the lift.

...

"All right, everyone, it's time for my announcement. Hey, Bones, listen up!"

Kirk waited for everyone to grow quiet. At least a dozen people had gathered, and as he looked around the room, he was struck by how little he knew some of these people. Except for his old friends, everyone treated him like he was, well, an admiral, and kept their distance. Thank goodness he still had Spock and McCoy to keep him grounded.

He stood. "As those of you who have been on this ship for a while know, we gather like this whenever I have something exciting to say. Sometimes it's a new mission, sometimes it's recognition, and sometimes it's a promotion. In this case, it's both of the latter.

"This morning, I received news from Starfleet Command that one of our own has been commended. This person has not only shown tremendous initiative and provided dedicated service through the years, but took decisive action in a recent crisis situation that made HQ sit up and take note. Although I was incapacitated and Commander Spock was at great risk, she handled herself with poise and confidence, and salvaged what could have been a disastrous situation. I speak, of course, of Lieutenant Commander Nyota Uhura."

He paused to let everyone turn to Uhura. She was clearly very pleased with the recognition, and he didn't miss the smile she shared with Spock. Spock inclined his head, congratulating her, but as soon as her attention was elsewhere, he looked at Kirk. He was obviously uneasy, and Kirk held his gaze for a moment before continuing.

"So, it is with great pleasure that I announce that Lieutenant Commander Nyota Uhura has been recognized for her outstanding service and has been promoted to full commander, effective today. Congratulations, Commander."

"Thank you, sir. I couldn't have done it without you."

Her friends quickly congregated around her, and she stood to return their hugs and well wishes. Spock had drawn back in order to remove himself from the crush, and Kirk saw Uhura throw an apologetic glance his way. Kirk grinned when he saw Spock respond by raising both eyebrows and taking a deep breath, as if in exaggerated tolerance for foolish human ways.

Kirk walked over and patted her warmly on the back. "I meant it when I said that it was well-deserved. You're one of the finest officers I've ever had the privilege of serving with, and I know that this is only the beginning of what will be a stellar career for you."

"I learned from the best."

Stepping back to allow Scotty to sweep her into a big bear hug, he sat down next to Spock, who was still looking a bit troubled.

Spock leaned close. "You have not yet divulged the entire contents of Commander Uhura's promotion."

Kirk sighed. "You know me too well. Yes, there's more. I'll tell you both later."

Spock nodded and fell silent.

...

"A transfer?"

Uhura looked at Spock. She'd been so happy only moments before, but this... This wasn't what she'd expected, at all.

Kirk placed his hand on her shoulder. "The Lexington needs a new second officer. And not only do they need a second, their first is inexperienced, so they specifically want a second who is seasoned. Someone who can step in and provide that extra support. Someone really good."

She wandered to a chair and sat heavily. The officers' lounge was empty except for the three of them, and Kirk's words seemed to echo around her.

_A second who is seasoned. Someone really good._

Spock moved a chair so that he could sit beside her. "This is a valuable opportunity, Nyota. Command has recognized your potential and is placing you in a highly visible position. Indeed, this is exactly the type of advancement for which you have always hoped."

"Lexington ships out in two days," added Kirk. "I know it's abrupt, but they're badly in need of you."

Rubbing her hand across her forehead, she said, "In two days? Leave the Enterprise..." She looked at Spock. "And leave you? I don't know. I'll have to think about it."

Kirk edged toward the exit. "I'll go now. But I need to know an answer soon. If you decline, they're going to have to scramble to find someone else so qualified on such short notice."

She nodded and numbly watched him walk away.

"Nyota," said Spock.

She didn't answer.

"Nyota, personal factors aside, do you wish to be the second officer aboard the Lexington?"

"Yes." She took a heavy breath and faced him. "Yes, I would like that, but I'm not sure if the cost is too high."

"I agree that it would entail some sacrifice on your part."

"Am I the only one who would be sacrificing for this?"

"You are the only one whose career goals are in question at the moment."

"So you're saying that I'm the only one who matters right now."

"I am saying that you must do what is best for you."

"What's best for me is not necessarily only to meet a career goal. I want to know what you think about it."

"I think that Command will not offer you such an opportunity again if you refuse this one."

"So you think I should go."

"It is not my decision."

Suddenly frustrated, she lashed out. "What? Are you trying to tell me that you're totally unaffected by this? That I'm operating in a vacuum here and that my presence or absence aboard this ship won't affect anyone other than me? Of course it's my decision. I know that. I'm not asking someone else to make the decision for me. I would just like to hear your honest opinion and not some evasive non-answer."

When she finished, the silence stretched between them. He didn't meet her eyes, and she realized that she had been hurtful with her words. She didn't say anything else, though, because regardless of how badly she had expressed herself, she did want to know how he felt about it.

Finally, he said, "Your presence or absence aboard this ship affects me. How can you imply that it would not? I would prefer to have you here, but you cannot allow my personal preference to alter your decision."

"If I go, what will happen to us?"

"I assume that we will continue to see one another whenever we are able."

"Which would probably be not much."

"Possibly. With some effort, however, I believe that we could make it work. Perhaps it will even be a better arrangement."

There. He had said it. The one thing she had avoided saying.

"It takes care of our fraternization problem, doesn't it?" she asked. "A nice, neat, convenient solution."

He did not comment.

They sat in silence for several minutes until eventually she stood. "I'm going to sleep on this tonight. I'll give the admiral my decision in the morning. Do you still want to go to your quarters?"

For weeks, they'd tried every night to find her flame, and they'd planned to try yet again tonight. The effort took a great deal of mental focus, though, and she was certain that neither of them would be able to concentrate. It wasn't even worth the effort. He surprised her with his answer, however.

"Yes. We shall continue with our plans. First, though, I must take care of something. Perhaps you can proceed to my quarters and begin without me."

"Sure, I can do that, but do you suppose we'll be able to think straight tonight?"

"It will be a challenge, but I have found in the past that the attempt to empty one's mind of a particular quandary often allows one to see the quandary more clearly when it is reexamined later."

"Oh. Good point. Let's go, then."

As they headed toward the exit, Uhura stopped and covered her face with both hands. "Oh, damn. I forgot about our trip to Gamma Cygnus. If I take this assignment, I won't be able to go see Saavik."

"I had not considered that, either. She will simply have to understand."

"You'll go on without me, won't you?"

"Yes. You speak as though you have decided to take the assignment."

"I guess I'm leaning that way."

He nodded, and they left the officers' lounge.

...

Kirk looked up when he heard the signal from his door. Could Uhura already be here with her answer?

"Come."

The door slid open to reveal Spock.

"Spock! Come on in. I have to admit that I'm a little surprised to see you. I figured that you'd, er, have other plans tonight."

"I do, but I wished to speak to you first."

Kirk frowned and tilted his head. Spock obviously had something on his mind, but Kirk couldn't read his friend's tone of voice. Was he upset? Angry? Maybe even a little apologetic?

Kirk motioned to the chairs in front of his desk. "Have a seat and tell me what's up."

Spock continued to stand. "This will not take long. All I require is a simple answer."

"All right. Shoot."

Spock raised an eyebrow but did not comment on Kirk's colloquial expression. Instead, he said, "You are the only person who is aware of the exact nature of my relationship with Commander Uhura, and that we are violating the fraternization rules. You are also aware of the additional burden she had to carry in the incident with the Granusians due to our relationship. Her new assignment is a convenient solution-"

"You're wondering if I arranged this transfer in order to separate the two of you."

"The thought has crossed my mind."

"Spock, sit down," he said firmly.

"Very well."

Kirk took the time while Spock situated himself to clear his mind. He had already promised that he wouldn't intervene. Didn't Spock believe him? As he watched Spock, though, he realized that it was just as painful for Spock to bring it up as it was for him to hear it.

"Thank you for being honest, but no, I did not deliberately arrange this. However, I wrote up a report that was full of glowing praise and specific examples of her leadership, so I accept that I was probably inadvertently responsible."

"I see. I do not fault you for writing a report such as you did. Indeed, you would have been remiss if you had not emphasized her contributions. I must confess that I am rather relieved to learn that you did not think us incapable of handling this situation on our own."

"I would never try to meddle."

"Forgive me for assuming that you might."

"I guess that I can see why you might have jumped to that conclusion. You're right that it's a rather convenient solution to the fraternization problem." Kirk paused at Spock's nodded assent. "Does this mean that she's going to accept the transfer?"

"She has not made a final decision, but I think that she will."

"Are you okay with that?"

Spock looked away. "I have told her that she cannot allow personal considerations to stand in the way of her career."

The fact that Spock hadn't answered the question hung glaringly between them, but Kirk didn't pursue it. The non-answer was probably the most effective answer he could have given, anyway.

"I'm here if you need me."

"Thank you, Jim. I must go now."

"See you tomorrow."

Kirk watched his friend leave, then put his elbows on his desk and rubbed his face. Suddenly he was so tired that he could hardly bear it.

...

"Empty your mind. All that exists is the flame."

Watching her as she stared into the fire, he could tell that she was trying too hard. She would not be successful. He reached for her forehead, but she held up a hand to stop him.

"Let me do this by myself. I know that I can."

The tension practically radiated from her, and he could not avoid allowing it to infect him. He sat, unable to relax as she struggled to find her inner calm. Finally she tore herself away and flopped down on the floor.

"Damn! It's no use. I can't find it."

Moving over to sit next to her, he said. "It will come to you. I should not have insisted that we try tonight."

It occurred to him to wonder just when it would come to her if she were to leave in two days, but he did not say anything else.

She rolled onto her back. "Thank you for being so patient with me recently. Let's go to my quarters. If we can't find this fire within, maybe we can kindle another one."

It was a running theme between them. Sometimes he wondered if the reference might be slightly disrespectful to the Vulcan disciplines, but she found it so amusing that he allowed her to continue. He could not deny that he saw the humor in it as well, although tonight the playfulness in her suggestion was clearly forced.

Holding her eyes, he saw her determination to keep the tone of their interaction light. He swallowed and touched her gently on the lips.

"Only if you will allow me to ignite it."

"Oooh, I like the way you think. Let's go."

He paused only long enough to put away the firepot, and they left.

End chapter 8


	9. Chapter 9

The Flame Within, chapter 9

"Empty your mind," Spock said. "The flame is before you, and there is nothing else. Today does not exist, nor does tomorrow. The room is not here. I am not here. See the flame."

Uhura stared at the flickering firepot until her vision blurred. Her mind kept trying to dart off in other directions-the look on Spock's face when they were lounging in bed this morning and she told him of her decision, the conversation with Kirk in which she accepted the assignment, the difficult message she'd recorded to tell Saavik that they wouldn't see each other as soon as they'd hoped-but she brushed away these thoughts and tried to concentrate.

As if from far away, she heard Spock's voice. "The flame that burns within you is there. Find it."

She had so much to do before she left tomorrow at 1100 hours. At least she'd been able to say goodbye to her friends tonight. She'd thought that Scotty was going to cry when she hugged him, and it made her get all choked up, too. And Admiral Kirk had presented her with the nicest holo of the ship, signed by everyone.

"The flame burns for you, for me, for us. It is steady and constant. It is eternal, ever-living."

She'd never met the first officer of the Lexington before, but she knew the captain and had always been impressed by his accomplishments. It wouldn't be the same as it had been serving with Admiral Kirk, though, and Spock. Even if she and Spock hadn't become lovers, she knew that she would never develop friendships like this again.

Suddenly she realized that he was no longer speaking, and she looked up with a guilty start to find him watching her.

"You are not concentrating."

"No, I'm not," she admitted. "There's too much on my mind."

"Perhaps it is just as well. After tomorrow it will be difficult for you to continue."

"Oh, Spock, I'm so sorry. I know how important it is to you that I learn to do this on my own, and it's important to me, too, and now I've let you down, and tomorrow I'm going to leave you-"

He moved next to her. "It is of no consequence. Do not assume that just because we are to be physically parted, you will leave me." Touching her lightly over her heart, he continued. "Perhaps you cannot find the flame tonight-indeed, perhaps you will never find it without assistance-but it is there, it exists, and as long as it is burning, I am with you."

She placed her fingers over his and pressed his hand to her breast. "Yes, I know."

They gazed at one another for a long moment, and finally he leaned close and kissed her. They sat like that, bodies separated but lips and hands pressed together, and she was reminded of that very first night when they'd huddled before the fire on Dantria and begun the slow process of mutual discovery. Who would have imagined that they'd end up here, side-by-side on the floor of his quarters in front of another fire but saying goodbye instead of hello?

She brushed her fingers softly across his cheek. "I'm going to miss you so much. I don't know how long it will be before I'm able to walk onto the bridge without expecting to see you at the science station, or wake during the night and not bother to check if you're still with me."

"It will probably take no longer than for me to sit down at a meal and avoid the impulse to automatically place the salt and pepper by your plate."

Laughing, she said, "I'm sure I won't find anyone on the new ship who's considerate enough to do that for me."

"I do not object if you find someone who will ensure that you always have access to the desired seasonings, but I do not want you to find someone who will do this." He pushed her back until she was lying on the floor, and he opened her jacket. "Or this." He untucked her shirt and pulled it up until he had revealed her bra. "Or this."

She sucked in a sudden sharp breath when she felt her bra open and his mouth touch the flesh beneath. He was hot, so hot, and his lips burned her just as surely as the small flame. She felt his hands slide up her thighs until they were underneath her skirt, and he was stroking her, the thin fabric of her panties all that separated her from his long fingers, and then he had moved the fabric to the side and he was touching her directly. She could feel her wetness clinging to his fingertips, and she groaned and stretched her arms out on the floor over her head as he used it to lubricate his caresses.

She closed her eyes and tried to burn these sensations into her mind. As of tomorrow the only fingers she would have available would be her own, but if she decided that she missed him enough to try to fill her mind with the memory of his touch, she wanted to be sure that she remembered it exactly. She pushed herself against him.

Just when she thought that she could not stand it any longer, she felt him searching for the small fastener at the waistband of her skirt. It was only a moment before the pressure of her clothing eased, and she raised her hips to allow him to push the skirt and her panties down until she was able to slip one leg out of them. The air was cool between her legs, but she smiled, knowing that soon she would be warm again. Oh, yes, his tongue was so rough against her slickness, his lips like fire against her coolness. She brought her arms down and ran her fingers through his hair and onto his shoulders, luxuriating in the feel of his hard muscles underneath her hands. The tension was building deep within her, and when she felt it lift her away, she gasped and arched her back. He continued to nuzzle her, and before she had completely come back down from her first orgasm, she was taken again.

She opened her eyes to the wonderful feeling of his lips against her inner thigh, and she knew that he was waiting to see if she'd had enough. Raising herself up slightly, she met his eyes across the small wall of her rumpled shirt and jacket. Suddenly all she wanted was to feel him inside her body and inside her mind, and she quickly threw off the rest of her clothing and tugged at him until he was lying next to her.

Wrapping his arms around her, he rolled her onto her back and covered her mouth with his own, kissing her so deeply that it took her breath away. She could taste herself on his lips and tongue. He was still fully clothed, and the sensation of his uniform-covered hard body on top of her naked body was extremely exciting. When she rubbed herself against him, she could tell by his heavy breathing that he found it arousing, too.

Snaking her fingers between them, she found his hardness with the palm of her hand. She could feel the outline of his erection through the heavy fabric of his trousers. Tempted to ask him to make love to her in uniform, she finally decided that what she really wanted was to feel him close to her, and that clothing would just get in the way. She'd save that idea for some other time.

She opened his jacket and whispered, "Let's take your uniform off. I want you in me. All of me."

"Yes," he said in a strained voice.

Together, they quickly removed his uniform, and without another moment's hesitation he placed both hands on her face and entered her mind at the same instant that he entered her body. It was incredible, the feeling of closeness, oh, how would she survive without this closeness, she needed the mental contact just as badly as she needed the physical, and it was good, so good.

An ember was burning deep in her belly, and she knew from his mind in hers that it smoldered within him, too. She wrapped her legs around his lean hips and met his every thrust, and just when she thought that she would simply crumble to ashes if she did not find release soon, the spark burst into flame. She was fire, her body and her soul and her thoughts were fire, and before she had extinguished the first pyre she was swept away again, only this time she heard Spock groan in her ear and she knew that the flames were for him.

She put her hands on his face, mirroring his grasp on her, and pulled him down until his forehead rested against her own. They waited for their heartbeats to slow. His mind was still in hers, but it was just a gentle and reassuring murmur in the background. She saw with clarity that the fire, although it had subsided again to just a tiny flicker, still burned within them both.

"The fire within," she whispered. "The fire that burns within. I can see it."

He carefully removed his fingers from her face and grasped her hands in his own. "Do you see it now?"

"Yes. I do. I really do."

As they looked at each other, she saw tiny crinkles appear at the corners of his eyes, and she knew that he was smiling. Not with his lips, but with his eyes, and she felt a brilliant smile spread across her own face in response.

"The fire is within you. It will burn, always. Whenever you glimpse it, remember this moment, another moment of truth between us. Remember that I carry a fire within me, and that it burns for you, Nyota. Remember."

"I will, always. No matter how far apart we are, I'll remember."

They slept on his floor that night, and when she awoke the next morning, she noticed that the flame in his firepot had gone out. It didn't matter, though, because she knew that the flame within would always burn for the two of them. The flicker in the firepot was only a symbol, but he and she had the real thing.

...

Spock stood in the back of the crowd and watched Uhura step onto the transporter pad. She'd hugged everyone again, even going so far as to innocently kiss him on the cheek, which of course exposed him to a great deal of good-natured ribbing, but he did not object. The two of them knew what it really meant.

He could tell that she was excited, even though he was not certain she would make it through these goodbyes without shedding tears. The human capacity to experience such a wide range of emotions all at once was fascinating. She had displayed similar behavior this morning when she had privately said goodbye to him, smiling at the memory of last night's revelation while at the same time becoming quite watery with unshed tears.

Stating that she would call him as soon as she was settled on the Lexington, she had held up her fingers one last time for a quick embrace, then swept out of her quarters without another look back. They had decided on the way to the transporter room that one of her first orders of business would be to compare her schedule to his so that they could arrange a trip to Gamma Cygnus at the earliest possible date. He found, though, as she stepped onto the transporter pad and turned to face him, that he did not understand how they could possibly pick a date that would be sufficiently early.

Kirk gave the order. "Goodbye, Commander, and good luck. Energize."

And she was gone.

Frowning slightly, Spock did not leave the transporter room with the rest of the group. He was aware that Kirk had also lingered. When the room was empty, the admiral moved to stand beside him.

"It's tough to say goodbye, isn't it?"

Spock took a deep breath. "Indeed it is. But perhaps it will not be too long before I see her again."

"This assignment will be a good experience for her."

"Absolutely. I told her as much."

"And how about you? Are you all right with this?"

"Yes, I am. I told her that, too."

"A lie?"

"A... Yes. A lie. But one that I could not avoid."

Kirk was silent for a moment before he nodded and motioned toward the exit.

"Come along, old friend. How about a game of chess?"

"That would be acceptable. It seems that I lost the last game. Perhaps it would be appropriate if I were to redeem myself tonight."

"Tonight? You wish."

"Ah, I predict. The odds are actually in my favor-"

Kirk grinned his familiar lopsided grin, and Spock stopped in mid-sentence.

"You find this amusing?"

"I was just thinking that I predict, too, that the odds are in your favor, but I'm not referring to a chess game. You two will work it out."

At first Spock only gazed at Kirk, but finally he allowed the corner of his mouth to turn up. "Perhaps you are correct. I can only hope so."

"Hope? An emotional human condition?"

Spock nodded but did not comment. Taking one last look at the transporter pad, he fell into step beside Kirk and they left the room.

End story

The next story in this series is What the West Wind Saw


End file.
